Film depicts Jan Tuttleman’s last great battle

By Eva Trieger

SAN DIEGO –It is said that lightning never strikes twice, but I don’t think Sophie Tuttleman would concur.  Her earliest memory of her dad is the ambulance carrying him off just before he died of Hodgkin’s disease.  Sophie and her little sister, Emma, developed an abject fear of losing their mother.  Jan Tuttleman became a Super Mom, and the microbiologist raised her daughters on her own, becoming the very core of Sophie’s world.

Following the loss of her husband, Jan sought support from the Jewish community and found love and constancy in Judaism.  She not only sought support and grounding, she gave back tremendously.  She was a mover and shaker in many Jewish organizations that promoted programs for women and children. Jan was the chair of the San Diego Jewish Federation.  She teamed with other philanthropists to create Women Give San Diego as well as serving on committees including the Burnham Institute, San Diego Grantmakers, the Vision of Children Foundation, and a host of other programs, both Jewish and secular. She personified living with adventure, passion and commitment for her growing girls, and everyone who crossed her path met a brave, purposeful, and dedicated woman.

Sophie was across the country, an undergrad cinematography student at NYU, when her world came to a standstill with one phone call.  Jan had been diagnosed with Stage IV brain cancer.  “You need to come home right now.” The word glioblastoma was unknown and unwelcome to Sophie, but she jumped on the Internet and learned all she could.

The prognosis was not promising, but Jan, ever the inspiration, began a blog, The Brain Warrior, wherein she detailed her journey for others’ benefit.  Jan underwent two brain surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy bravely and optimistically, doing battle with this insidious foe.

Jan had remarried, and garnered support and compassion from her husband Craig Lambert, a “remarkable gerontologist and compassionate man. Emma moved back home to be with her mom. Sophie, with Jan’s urging, proceeded with her academic goals, but made frequent trips across country to care for her mom, the apex of her world.

Sophie’s odyssey was just beginning as her mom’s life was ending.  On October 29, 2012, Sophie’s childhood fear became her young adult reality.  Sophie and Emma became orphans.  Her rock had turned to sand, and it was slipping through her fingers. In the month’s preceding Jan’s death, Sophie opted to spend as much time with her mom as possible.

As Jan’s cancer advanced, she lost the ability to speak or feed herself.  Sophie was grateful to give back some of the courage and strength her mom had lavished on her.  This brave, compassionate young woman relayed their bond to me in this way:  “Mom communicated, even though she couldn’t speak. Her intense green eyes told me all I needed to know.”

Sophie decided to use her cinematic studies as a means of celebrating and honoring her amazing mom through film, a medium in which she was gaining expertise. Sophie took on the project and though it was painful and sometimes paralyzing, providing an honest account of her mother’s last year, became cathartic.  Engaging with archival footage allowed Sophie to gain a new perspective and proved monumental in assisting her in the grieving process.

One of the founders of the San Diego Jewish Film Festival, Joyce Axelrod, saw the message in Sophie’s short film. The Cancer Mirror provides a uniquely personal and, at the same time, universal experience, as any one of us who has lost a loved to cancer will comprehend.  The impotence, the fear, the anger all surfaced in Sophie’s report, yet overall, she described a sense of triumph.  This beautiful tribute she was creating for her mom, gave her the opportunity to see that even though her mother’s life was cut so short, her impact was felt by so many, and that would reverberate for generations and the ripple effect would reach even more people if Sophie’s film could tell the tale.

Jan’s “Brain Warrior” blog expressed the fearless optimism with which she lived her life and the aspects she modeled for her daughters.  When asked what her mom would like best about the film, Sophie offered, “She would love to see her strength, to gain the perspective of a brave woman inspiring others;” to help others think about illness and dying. As she was undergoing treatment, Jan kept the blog and opened dialogue for others to correspond.  The scientist within her enabled her to donate her own tumor cells for research.

The take away from this film, according to Sophie is the “irrepressible spirit” of her mom and the idea that The Cancer Mirror can open conversations about life.  When asked if she felt that there is any benefit to cancer, Sophie told me “Yes!  The appreciation for every beautiful moment, the chance to be present.  My mom showed me that life is to be lived to the fullest; one should be passionate and leave the world a better place.” Perhaps the greatest boon is the newfound bond and symbiosis the sisters share.  They’ve become a touchstone for each other, each giving the other a piece of their mom.

I asked Sophie if she had a laugh-out-loud memory of her mom.  She shared a priceless piece.  During the summer before Jan’s passing, Sophie was home and spending time by her ailing mom’s side.  On July 4, Jan encouraged Sophie to go out, kick up her heels and have some fun.  Sophie, reluctant to abandon her post, agreed.  She got dressed up and was feeling ready to party.  Before heading out she was sitting with her mom, feeding her some dinner.  Suddenly, and without notice, Jan sneezed, inadvertently sharing her dinner with Sophie and her chic outfit!

Sophie Tuttleman, award winning local filmmaker and devoted daughter and sister, has created, for us, a thing of beauty and honesty and we will all bring her mother Jan Tuttleman kavod by sharing her journey and celebrating her triumphant life in The Cancer Mirror, to be shown  Feb.  9 at 5 pm as part of the Joyce Forum Program 9.Tickets are available at the JCC box office and by phone: www.sdjff.org or 858.362.1348

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Trieger is a freelance writer who focuses on the arts.  You may post your comment in the space provided below or send it directly to eva.trieger@sdjewishworld.com