By Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D.
LA JOLLA, California — Here are the symptoms:
• You wake up exhausted after a good night’s sleep.
• You take no pleasure in your activities.
• You have difficulty concentrating.
• Tasks take longer than they used to.
• You are sometimes irritable for no obvious reason.
• You feel “keyed up” all of the time.
• You have ups and downs in your energy level.
• You notice that you keep re-reading the same paragraph.
• You keep misplacing things, forgetting appointments, not remembering what others have just been talking about.
• Everything feels like “too much” and even trivial matters seem monumental.
You are suffering from burnout.
Burnout can be from overwork at the office or it can be from being overextended at home. Single mothers often suffer from burnout:too many responsibilities with no support. Even married couples can feel burnout with small children at home, a new baby, a demanding job, running a house and the major culprit: the expectation that not only can you do it all, but that you can do it all perfectly.
There is a difference between burnout and depression. Depression is usually not attached to a specific event, is not connected to overload, and continues for an extended period of time. It is characterized by an inability to respond to stimuli, low initiative, and general despondency. It colors all of the person’s life. But burnout, if prolonged can turn into depression.
What is the cure? No, I’m not going to advise you to go to the Caribbean for two weeks and lie in the sun (although that might help) because when you return, if the situation has not changed, then burnout will eventually recur.
You’re not coping with burnout if:
1. You become withdrawn, blaming yourself for not meeting expectations, whether your own or those of others.
2. You get angry, blaming everyone else for your problems, accepting no responsibility for the situation.
3. You deny the stress, keeping a stiff upper lip in spite of feeling terrible. By not admitting how bad you feel, emotional problems can convert into physical symptoms.
You are coping if you try to problem-solve, using others to help you think through whether the unmet expectations that are causing the burnout are realistic.
At work, just because everyone else is on overdrive does not mean you have to be. Are the deadlines self-imposed or do others expect too much? Can the workload be reduced, can resources be added, is the stress time-bound, and will it be reduced in the foreseeable future or will it go on relentlessly with no relief in sight? Who can you talk to in order to shift priorities? Can anything be delegated, postponed, or not done at all? If no help is in sight, you may have to look for another job (never quit one job before finding another, unless you can afford the down time).
Burnout wreaks havoc with our health and should not be allowed to continue for too long unabated.
It’s a different question for burnout at home: you can’t quit and look for another home with another husband and children who help, are neat, polite, and with enough money for a staff of employees to cook and clean. So, if you have burnout in your own home, get help! Is there a grandmother on your block who will baby-sit in exchange for a small fee? Are there other parents as exhausted as you are with whom you can take turns babysitting each other’s children? If there is a spouse, share chores; if there are older children, teach them how to help.
Both at home and at work, stop every ninety minutes, stretch, drink a cup of tea, sit still for five or ten minutes with you eyes closed, breathe deeply, meditate if you can. Exercising for at least thirty minutes a day helps to reduce stress.
Proper nutrition is critical. Sugar lowers energy levels after an initial short-lived surge. Six to eight hours of sleep are necessary for most people. Don’t watch television until all hours of the night.
Burning the candle at both ends, which many of us do too often, will eventually result in burnout.
Learn to burn that candle one end at a time. The light will last longer.
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Josefowitz is a freelance writer based in La Jolla. This column appeared initially in the La Jolla Village News