By Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
SAN DIEGO –Although Laban promised his daughter, Rachel, to Jacob in marriage, he tricked Jacob into marrying her older sister, Leah, instead. When Jacob complains to Laban about his deceit, Laban replies, “It is not the practice in our place to marry off the younger before the older. Wait until the bridal week of this one is over and we will give you that one too, provided you serve me another seven years.” (Gen. 29:26-27) Jacob agreed and seven days later he married Rachel.
From this story we learn (among other things!) that in Biblical times weddings were celebrated for a full week. Although this is no longer the case, this seven day celebration is still preserved by a beautiful wedding custom that is woefully under-observed.
During the wedding ceremony, sheva berachot, a series of seven blessings, are chanted under the chuppah to honor the bride and groom. After a blessing over wine, we thank God for creating humanity, for bringing the bride and groom together, and for allowing us to celebrate with them.
However, these sheva berachot, seven blessings, are not reserved for the wedding ceremony alone. They are chanted at the conclusion of birkat hamazon, the grace after meals, every time the bride and groom dine with a minyan for a full week after their wedding. At least one new guest is supposed to be present at each festive meal, and the seven blessings are often chanted by family members and friends to honor the bride and groom.
A special mezuman, introduction, precedes birkat hamazon. The Hebrew inscription on the art created by Jackie Jacobs, which hangs in our Cohen Social Hall, contains part of this mezuman: “With the consent of all present, let us bless our God in whose presence the celebration is, and whose food we have eaten.”
Two glasses of wine are poured before birkat hamazon, the blessing after meals, is chanted. One glass of wine is in honor of birkat hamzon and one is for the sheva berachot. After the final blessing, these two glasses are poured into a third, mixed together, then poured back into the original goblets to be savored by the bride and groom, and sometimes their friends. Although there are technical halachic (Jewish law) reasons this is done, the mixing also symbolizes the coming together of the lives of the bride and groom.
I have been present at several wedding receptions at which birkat hamazon and sheva brachot are recited at the end of meal. Unfortunately, many guests believe that this is their signal to say goodbye! Those who stay are glad they did. The gathering of the bride, groom, their families, and friends in festive prayer is a beautiful and spiritual way to conclude this joyful celebration.
A wedding is a very special event in the life of a man and a woman. It is certainly a cause for celebration. What could be better than extending the celebration of their wedding day for the full week that follows?
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Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego. He may be contacted at leonard.rosenthal@sdjewishworld.com