Jews reach out to intermarried families

By David Ogul

SAN DIEGO — I recently spent several days in rural Maryland with a group of men and women from around the country who are doing what they can to save Judaism. The facts are startling.

While barely more than 1 of every 10 Jews who got hitched before 1970 was in an interfaith marriage, that number skyrocketed to nearly 5 of every 10 Jews who married between 1996 and 2001, according to the National Jewish Population Survey.

Because children of interfaith marriages are far less likely to be raised Jewish, and because the number of American Jews is steadily declining, congregations are looking at what they can do to address the changing demographics. Which is what led me to spend several days at a Baltimore County retreat sponsored by the Keruv Initiative, an effort aimed at embracing those in interfaith marriages so that the Jewish partner, with a supporting spouse, remains committed to being a faithful Member of the Tribe.

Like many of those at the Maryland conference, I have first-hand experience in the developments affecting American Jewry. I’m an active member at a Conservative Jewish congregation in San Diego. My wife is an active parishioner at a Catholic church nearby. But despite the religious differences, the folks at my congregation have warmly welcomed my wife for years. They wish her the best on Christmas and Easter. They invite her to dinner or to the movies on a regular basis. They see her as a member of the family, even though she has no intention of converting and remains committed to Christ.

Largely because of that support, we’ve remained loyal members of the shul. Largely because of that support, my wife backed the conversion of our daughter, who last year became a bat mitzvah.

At too many temples, however, those in mixed marriages face congregants and policies precluding the non-Jewish spouse from taking part in various life-cycle events. Some synagogues won’t even allow for birth announcements in their newsletters if it involves a mixed marriage.

Sadly, there is little chance the offspring from such unions would want to carry on in the Jewish tradition. Sadly, there is little chance the Jewish spouse would want to remain tied to a faith that tolerates such insensitive leadership.

The Keruv Initiative, a project launched more than a decade ago by the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs, can point to plenty of success stories.

“I know of a number of cases where a local rabbi meets in a tavern monthly with a group of supportive non-Jewish male spouses,” Rabbi Charles Simon, a leader in the Keruv Initiative, wrote in “Intermarriage: Concepts and Strategies for Families and Synagogue Leaders.” “The relationships that evolve further engage these men in Jewish life.”

Added Simon: “Today every marriage, whether endogamous or not, is an intermarriage. Each member of the relationship enters into it with different expectations and different family traditions. The success of the relationship will be determined by the ability to compromise.”

In his blog, Rabbi Gil Steinlauf of Congregation Adas Israel in Washington, D.C., wrote: “The simple reality is that intermarriage is here to stay.”

He continued: “We must face the future proudly. There are some extraordinary human beings, Jewish and non-Jewish, who are poised to contribute magnificently to Jewish life in our synagogue, and across this country.”

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David Ogul is a longtime reporter and editor who has worked at numerous Southern California daily newspapers in a career spanning more than three decades. He now runs his own communications company and writes a column for The Coast News, from which this column is reprinted.  Ogul can be reached at OgulCommunications@gmail.com