By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Anthony Wiener is reportedly considering withdrawing from the New York’s mayoral race. He has been negotiating with Oskar Mayer to become the chauffeur of their trademark vehicle. He’s also changing his name to Felix Frankfurter.
Robert Filner, the embattled mayor of San Diego, is also contemplating a job change. He’s checking out two possibilities: a fitting room attendant for Victoria’s Secret because she may be the only women he’s met who can keep a secret. On the other hand, he doesn’t like that she sells panties. Another possibility is working as a TSA agent in charge of pat downs. Advisers have suggested he skip his upcoming therapy and have both arms amputated.
The State Department is perplexed about what to call the current turmoil in Egypt. If it is a military coup, then the United States must stop sending aid to Egypt. If it isn’t, it can keep supplying the army. Egyptian language experts have come up with a compromise term for the change of government: metamorsiphus.
The bad news for Edward Snowden is that he has already spent six weeks in a Moscow Airport. The good news is that he applied for a Frequent Outlier Plan and now has recorded enough nights at the airport that he can sleep over in any airport terminal in the world for free as long as he doesn’t try to go through customs there. He has been diagnosed with terminal terminal.
What’s the difference between Iran’s new president Hassad Rouhn and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Rohhn will drop efforts to promote Holocaust denial and step up ones to achieve Israel denial.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com