Humoring the headlines: August 5, 2013

 

By Laurie Baron

Lawrence (Laurie) Baron
Lawrence (Laurie) Baron

SAN DIEGO — A poll of New Yorkers has selected Eliot Spitzer as the formerly tarnished politician most likely to succeed.  When asked why, they said he waited five years to run for office again and never put any of his indiscretions on YouTube.  In a related story, Anthony Weiner told reporters that if he loses his bid to become mayor, he plans to establish residency in Illinois and run for governor.

In an effort to raise its popularity, the House of Representatives voted to repeal the Volstead Act.

Amid reports on how the NSA monitors everything spoken on telephones or written on the internet, Al Qaeda has realized it can shut down all Western embassies in the Arab and Islamic world by merely fabricating chatter that it is planning an attack in the region.

Scientists in London announce they have made the first lab-grown hamburger.  The FDA has approved it for restaurant use noting that it is more natural than anything fast food chairs are currently serving.

Responding to the recent strikes of fast food workers, the major chairs have released new ad campaigns.  Burger King proclaims “You can’t have it your way;” McDonald’s warns, “You won’t love it when we hire scabs;” and Carl Jr. has changed its slogan to “Don’t bother us, we’re profiting.”

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University