Humoring the headlines: August 7, 2013

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — Between his therapy sessions, San Diego Mayor Bob Filner phoned Alex Rodriguez to get advice on how to delay disciplinary action for the duration of a contract and how to get past first base and not strike out.

Commenting on the difficulties of restarting peace talks between Israel and the Palestinian Authority, Secretary of State John Kerry reminded reporters of how bitter enemies can become friends.  “After all, look how well it’s working with the Russians,” he added.

When asked how she felt watching Ariel Castro’s house demolished, his former kidnap victim Michelle Knight replied, “The only thing that could have made me feel better was if he were in it.”

Republican Congressman Steve King of Iowa backtracked on his racist description of the children of illegal Mexican immigrants who would be given a path to citizenship under the Dream Act.  Caving into pressure from other Republicans, he claims he meant to say that these children are muscular from picking cantaloupes and hauling bags of mowed grass.

After the House of Representatives repealed the Affordable Health Care Act for the 40^th time, the Obama administration conducted a survey of parents with 21 to 26 year olds who still live at home with them.  An overwhelming number of them approved of the provision extending their health insurance coverage to their children and wondered if these benefits will pay for moving their children to long-term care facilities.