Humoring the Headlines: August 22, 2013

By Laurie Baron

Lawrence (Laurie) Baron
Lawrence (Laurie) Baron

SAN DIEGO– In a poll of likely Republican primary voters in Louisiana, 29 percent blamed President Obama for the poor federal response to Hurricane Katrina; whereas 28 % blamed Bush even though Bush was the president back in 2005 and Obama was only a senator.  As Winston Churchill once said, “The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.”

In the wake of the averted school shooting in Atlanta by a man wielding an AK-47, the NRA has decided to expand its call to arm teachers to students.  Under its “No Child Left Unarmed” initiative, all students would be issued 9 mm handguns and trained to be marksmen.  The written part of the class would require students to compose and send letters to their respective members of Congress explaining why gun control is a silly idea.  To assure students use their weapons responsibly, a new PTA (Parental Tactical Assistance) organization would be formed.

Now that Syria has used sarin gas, President Obama has clarified his warning about how this escalation of the regime’s repression of its opponents would constitute crossing a red line which the United States would find unacceptable by noting, “I never said how wide the line was.” In a related development, John Kerry is conducting negotiations between Egyptian protesters and Syrian rebels to trade Bashar Al-Assad for the recently released Hosni Mubarak.

Bradley Manning, the American soldier convicted of downloading government documents and posting them on WikiLeaks, announced today that he plans to undergo transgender surgery to become a woman named Chelsea.  After the operation, he intends to marry Edward Snowden and author a book “What Men Secretly Say About Women, But Never Divulge.”

President Obama’s approval rating has dropped to a low of 46 %.  When asked if this bothered him, he reminded the White House press corps that Congress’s approval rating is 14 %, exactly the same as the percentage of San Diegans who want Bob Filner to remain mayor.

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Baron is a freelance writer based in San Diego.  He may be contacted at lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com