By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO―New Jersey Governor Chris Christie apologized for one of his aides ordering the closure of the George Washington Bridge’s entrance and exit lanes to and from Fort Lee, New Jersey, as a political reprisal either against the city’s Democratic mayor or the state’s Democratic Senate. Although Christie hopes to weather the storm, he is worried the scandal has hurt his 2016 presidential prospects. Consequently, he is exploring the possibility of running for mayor of Los Angeles where no one ever questions the cause of massive traffic jams.
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The legalization of marijuana in Colorado has generated so much publicity that the state hopes to exploit the popularity of the program to attract new businesses. To promote this makeover of the state’s image, Governor Hickenlooper has changed his last name to Hickenlooped. Cannabis has been designated the state plant. Denver is now advertising itself as the “Higher than a mile city.” The National Jewish Health Hospital, the nation’s leading center for the treatment and study of pulmonary diseases, has commissioned a study on the beneficial effects of secondhand smoke. All of this seems to be working. Lava Lamps, White Castle, and Zig Zag have announced plans to relocate their national headquarters there, and Bill Maher will now broadcast “Real Time” from Denver.
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After Mary Willingham of the University of North Carolina released her findings that 60 % of the men’s basketball team members read between a 4th and 8th grade level and 10 % read below a 3rd grade level, the basketball players disputed the results and issued this protest: “Mary lie. We can read. We can read good. Besides we are very tall, and it is hard to read when your eyes are so far from the book in your hand. ”
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Dennis Rodman’s trip to North Korea has renewed his friendship with Kim Jong Un. Their relationship was very cordial until the North Korean dictator told Rodman that he is like an uncle to him. Rodman immediately called his travel agent to book the next plane out of the country.
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Once again Israel has paired the release of Palestinian prisoners with plans to build new settlements in the Territories. Negotiators on the Israeli side are now conducting a census of Palestinian prisoners to ascertain if there are enough of them to continue the pace of settlement construction.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted at lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com