Humoring the Headlines: January 13, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron-2014SAN DIEGO―A chemical used to clean coal has polluted the drinking water in West Virginia.  The company responsible for the spill encouraged coal miners to use the water for baths and showers to remove the coal dust clinging to their skin.  Natural gas companies exploited the crisis to tout the benefits of fracking which merely renders water flammable.
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The government of Namibia auctioned off a license to kill an older black rhino, and, the Dallas Safari Club paid a record $390,000 for it.  Namibia says the money will be spent on conserving rhino habitat, but other reports indicate that it be used to subsidize the country’s taxidermy industry.  The AARP, Aged African Rhino Protectors, has filed a protest against this blatant example of ageism.  Congressional Democrats requested that the animal be allowed to serve in Washington, DC because they need more Rhinos in the Republican caucus.
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Colorado cannabis shops are facing a shortage of pot.  One solution under consideration is the building of an interstate bongline to bring marijuana smoke from Humboldt County in northern California to Colorado.
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A federal investigation has begun to ascertain whether Chris Christie misappropriated Sandy Relief Fund by starring his wife and family in television ads for New Jersey tourism which were broadcast during his gubernatorial campaign.  Many beach communities in the state particularly have charged that the ad showing the governor frolicking in the ocean in his Speedo swimsuit actually hurt tourism.
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In his recently released book Duty, former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates questions whether President Obama was ever truly committed to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  The news from both countries indicates that they are degenerating into sectarian and tribal wars in which innocent civilians are dying every day in comparison to life under the oppressive dictatorships which executed innocent civilians every day.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted vialawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com