By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO-Many department stores are holding special sales this weekend in honor of Martin Luther King Day. Somewhere in heaven, Martin Luther King is looking down and asking, “Was it worth the cost of sacrificing my life so American shoppers can save a few bucks to celebrate my birthday?” Overhearing Martin, Jesus Christ added, “I was thinking the same thing this past Christmas season.” In a related story, the Chamber of Commerce has petitioned Congress to add a major gift-giving holiday for every month of the year that currently lacks one.
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Vladimir Putin has welcomed gays to attend the Sochi Olympics as long as they “leave kids alone.” Will he make the same demand of heterosexuals?
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President Obama announced he will make NSA data collection less intrusive. Americans will now be able to speak their minds freely in their bathrooms as long as they are not emailing, phoning, or texting on a cell phone or tablet. On the other hand, building codes will now require the installation spy cameras and bugs in all other rooms of homes and offices.
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The FCC has ordered MSNBC and Fox News to change their advertising slogans to truthfully reflect the slant each gives to the news. MSNBC now declares, “The Place for Politics Related to the Chris Christie Scandal,” Fox has qualified its famous slogan to read: “Fair and Balanced as Long as Benghazi Proves Hillary is a Murderer and Obama Care Will End Civilization as We Know It.”
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The World Happiness Report has retracted its selection of Denmark as the happiest place on earth. That honor now goes to Colorado.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com