By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO-The Vatican announced that 384 priests were defrocked between 2011 and 2012 for sexual abuse of children. The children whom they abused will have a chance confront their molesters in the new reality show “Meet the Frockers.”
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French President Francois Hollande has been caught on camera having an affair with French actress Janet Gayet. Although his long-time girlfriend, journalist Valerie Trieweiler was so upset that she had to be hospitalized, the affair does not seem to have hurt Hollande’s standing in the public opinion polls. In a related story former President Bill Clinton, former Senator John Edward, and the current congressman from South Carolina Mark Sandford have applied for French citizenship.
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The Missouri legislature has introduced a bill to offer firing squads as an alternative to lethal injections in capital punishment cases. Upon hearing this news, the NRA submitted a bid for their members to carry out such executions to prove once again that it is people who kill people, not guns.
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In an interview President Obama said smoking pot is no more dangerous than alcohol consumption. He added that drunks are more likely to drive a car while under the influence and get into an accident; whereas slackers generally stay at home and stare at the television news of those accidents while munching popcorn and swallowing White Castle sliders.
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In a video sent to the Russian government, two Islamic terrorists threaten the safety of people who will be attending the Sochi Olympics. The Russian government has tried to co-opt the terrorists be offering them their own event at the games. The Suicide Slalom allows skiers dressed in bomb vests to negotiate a set of gates on a slippery slope that has been mined. If they complete the course, they can ski into a crowd of gay spectators and blow themselves up. They will be posthumously awarded medals forged from shrapnel and 72 virgins will await them in Paradise.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com