From generation to generation — in reverse

By Donald H. Harrison

SAN DIEGO—Like child, like parent.

Although that may seem to be the reverse of the adage, it appears to be the case in my family.  Bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies have tremendous impacts on preceding generations.

The latest example was when my grandson Shor became a bar mitzvah on Saturday, April 26, at Temple Emanu-El.  After he read Torah, chanted Haftorah, and lectured on his portion (Kiddushim),  his mother, Sandi, made a congratulatory speech to him on the bima in which she said, among other things, “I know that Judaism will always be an important part of your life.  You inspire me to learn more too.”

I think I know how Sandi felt because years ago she inspired me in the same way.  I came from a non-observant, you might even call it “anti-religious,” secular home.  That was more my dad’s way than my mom’s, but mom went along with it.  I didn’t have a bar mitzvah as a child, didn’t go to Hebrew school, and so far as I knew back then, being Jewish simply meant “not being Christian.”

But as good luck would have it, I married Nancy, who came from a Conservative Jewish home.  And when she said that our children, Sandi and David, would go to Hebrew school and become b’nai mitzvah, I didn’t argue.  But I didn’t become involved either.  I just passively watched as they made their progress.

There is a ceremony that Temple Emanu-El, like many other congregations, likes to do to symbolize how the Torah is passed down from generation to generation, l’dor v’dor.  As it was enacted during Shor’s bar mitzvah, under the benevolent supervision of Rabbi Devorah Marcus, the Torah was touched by Shor’s 95-year-old great grandfather, Sam, then passed to Sam’s daughter Nancy, who passed it to me, her husband.  I passed it to our daughter, Sandi.  She passed it to her husband Shahar, and Shahar passed it to their son, Shor.  Through the generations it went, and next was cradled in the arms of Shor, who proudly walked with the Torah on a circuit through the congregation as his progenitors happily followed.

On this occasion, I felt genuine pride, but I remember having felt 29 years before like an imposter during a similar ceremony when Sandi had her bat mitzvah.  I remember thinking, how could I claim to have passed the Torah to her, when I know so very little about it?  And I remember feeling electrified while sitting in the audience as Sandi chanted her Torah portion.  I remember thinking, there she is, the beneficiary of thousands of years of tradition, another link in a chain, the owner of a heritage to which regrettably  I am a stranger.

I resolved to change all that, or as Sandi put it the other day, “to learn more.”  While we had not been active members of Temple Emanu-El, we decided that we would become active members at a nearby Conservative synagogue, where the traditions, tunes, and ways of prayer were closer to those Nancy had grown up with.  We found at Tifereth Israel Synagogue a remarkable man, Rabbi Aaron Gold, z”l, who took us under his wing, and before we knew it, had Nancy and me studying for our adult b’nai mitzvah, which, when it came, was a proud moment for both of us.

When Nancy was a girl, the bat mitzvah ceremony was not as common as it is today.  She was confirmed but never had a bat mitzvah.  Under Rabbi Gold’s tutelage, we studied, and we really haven’t stopped studying since.

Sandi’s bat mitzvah was in 1985 and I have been actively involved in the Jewish world ever since.  Having been a journalist for most of my life, writing about Jewish issues and customs was a way for me to learn and learn.  I became a writer, then a columnist, editor and eventually a co-publisher of the San Diego Jewish Press-Heritage, and after that newspaper sadly folded, I became editor and publisher of this daily online news publication, San Diego Jewish World, which I am happy to say has enjoyed the daily support of thousands of readers.

Shor has had an interesting tour of religious institutions.  He was a preschooler at Tifereth Israel Synagogue (Conservative), and later a pupil at Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School (Orthodox) where he loved listening to Torah stories told by Rabbi Chaim Hollander.  We  take delight when he and his younger brother Sky would come with Sandi and Shahar to our house for Shabbat dinner. Back then, like a little rabbi, Shor would retell the parsha story he had heard at Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School.  Sometimes,  deep in concentration, he would pace with his hands behind his back as he recalled the sequence of events in each story.

After Shor moved from Jewish day school to secular school (where he could participate in programs for gifted students), he returned to Tifereth Israel Synagogue, where he continued his Jewish education.  Eventually, his parents moved over to Temple Emanu-El (Reform), where Sandi had her own bat mitzvah under the tutelage of Rabbis Morton Cohn, z”l, and Martin Lawson.  Now, Shor is talking about going on to Hebrew High School next year, and I have a feeling that he will continue to be a Jewish inspiration to the rest of his family.

His brother, Sky, to whom Shor is a very good big brother and role model, is 7-years-old and soon will be following along a similar Jewish educational path.  While the public charter school that he goes to – Kavod Elementary School – is completely secular, it is giving Sky a leg up on other future bar mitzvah students.  Whereas some other schools immerse students in Spanish, French Chinese, or the German languages, Kavod offers students Hebrew language learning – which Sky can apply to the lessons he receives at Temple Emanu-El’s religious school.

As for Sandi’s vow to “learn more too,” I’m not certain how she will go about it, but I can tell you something about my daughter, whom many people know as one of this country’s top balloon artists.  When she sets her mind to do something, there’s no stopping her.   And I hope she will continue to inspire all the rest of us to reach for new educational goals.

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Harrison is editor of San Diego Jewish World.  He may be contacted at donald.harrison@sdjewishworld.com