Humoring the headlines: April 29, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO-The pressure is mounting on Los Angeles Clippers’ owner Donald Sterling to resign after his racist rant to his mistress was made public.  Since the NBA may demand that he sell the team, he is considering an offer from Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy to move the franchise to his ranch.

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A Texas judge awarded a couple three million dollars in compensation for the illnesses they have contracted as a result of the pollution caused by fracking operations near their home.  The natural gas company had tried to settle out of court by offering the couple a lifetime supply of fracking waste water for fueling their car and home’s heating system.

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The United States will deploy 600 troops to Poland, Lithuania, and Latvia in military exercises to deter Vladimir Putin from invading eastern Urkaine.  Since President Obama worries that this tactic could backfire and trigger the invasion, he has armed these troops only with slingshots.

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The military dictatorship in Egypt has ordered the execution of hundreds of members of the Muslim Brotherhood because there’s no better way to demonstrate the virtues of democracy over the vices of Islamic extremism than killing your political enemies.

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Sarah Palin told her supporters that “waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists.”  This way they not only divulge information about their next terrorist attack, but also learn to appreciate Christian mercy.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com