Humoring the Headlines: May 2, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO-Now that he has been banned from NBA Basketball, Donald Sterling is looking into a new line of work.  ESPN reportedly has rejected his proposal for a new program in which he would interview only white NBA players.

*

Senate Republicans blocked an attempt to vote on raising the minimum wage, but indicated they would vote for a minimal wage law.

*

When asked why the Georgia “Guns Everywhere Law” allows people to carry weapons into libraries, Wayne Lapierre of the NRA allegedly answered, “Because the only thing that can stop a smart guy from reading a book is a dumb guy with a gun.”

*

The new documentary Dancing in Jaffa shows how Jewish and Arab children grow to respect each other by learning how to dance together.  When it was screened for Benjamin Netanyahu and Mahmoud Abbas during the recent peace talks, they thought it was worth a try.  The problem was that neither of them wanted to lead, and the only way dance they knew was taking one step forward and two steps back.

*

An untested chemical protocol failed to quickly execute a convicted murderer in Oklahoma.  He died about an hour later from a heart attack.  Oklahoma prison wardens are now considering feeding inmates on death row only junk food for several months and depriving them of the opportunities to exercise.  When their blood pressure and cholesterol are morbidly high, the wardens plan to sneak up behind them and say “Boo!”

*

Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via    lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com