By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─Although House Republicans insist that racism plays no role in their decision to sue President Obama, they have hired Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden as the prosecuting attorneys for their case.
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Miramax announced the production of a sequel to the science fiction classic The Day the Earth Stood Still. In this version the flying saucer carrying Care-Ree, the ambassador from another galaxy, and his weapon-destroying robot Gort manages to evade Israel’s Iron Dome guided missiles and Hamas’ unguided missiles to land atop the separation barrier/apartheid wall. Gort quickly incinerates the arsenals of each side, but can’t move fast enough to play Whac-A-Mole with Hamas guerillas popping out of tunnels and Israeli settlements popping up on the West Bank. Frustrated by the animosity exhibited by both sides, Care-Ree tells the adversaries that he will return to their divided land only after they agree to rewrite the script of the movie.
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An Alabama hospital inadvertently amputated the penis of a man who was supposed to be circumcised. Trying to exonerate himself, the administering physician remarked, “That’s what happens when your assistant hands you a machete when you ask for a scalpel.”
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2014 is the 120th anniversary of the Dreyfus Affair. While the Jewish community in France is making plans to commemorate the event, pro-Palestinian protesters there have begun reenacting it.
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A new CNN poll indicates that Mitt Romney would beat Barack Obama by a margin of 53 % to 44% if the presidential election were held today. When asked how he accounted for this shift, Romney commented that it was obvious that 3 % of the takers had lost faith in Obama.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.