Humoring the Headlines: August 23, 2014

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─Congressman Louis Gohmert of Texas charges that the Muslim Brotherhood exerts a strong influence on the Obama administration   He claims to have seen footage of Obama prostrating himself several times on a green carpet. Other reporters say these are just YouTube clips of the President picking up golf balls from holes while playing at Martha’s Vineyard. Gohmert also finds it suspicious that John Kerry spends so much time on airplanes. and speculates that he is casing them out to find vulnerabilities for another 9/11.

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As ISIS contemplates beheading a second American journalist, more moderate Muslims have advised it that there are more humane ways of silencing a reporter like delapitation, confiscating their laptops, and disbarring, cancelling their cell-phone service.

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Serena Williams shattered a glass window with her serve on the David Letterman Show. Upon watching this demonstration of power, Hilly Clinton announced her plans to appear on the show two years from now after shattering an even bigger piece of glass.

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As part of the military’s sending surplus equipment to police departments in the United States, the New Orleans Police Department received twenty snow camouflage parkas just in case the city is ever invaded by Finland.

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A St. Louis Country police officer was suspended for remarking: “I hate everybody. I’m into diversity. I kill everyone.” Since then, he has been inundated by phone calls from recruiters for Al Quaeda, Boko Haram, the Chechen Network, and ISIS.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be  taken literally.