By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO–The month of Elul is the last month in the Jewish calendar. El Al is, of course, the well-known airline of Israel. Boarding an El Al flight, means you know where you are going. After all, you bought a ticket, right? Israel is more than likely your destination, but perhaps you have planned other stops throughout the world as well. Elul is different.
When Elul arrives, you aren’t really sure where this holy month will take you. You just know that come Tishrei, Rosh Hashanah is here this year on the evening of Wednesday, September 24 and ending on Friday evening, September 26th. But where will you be?
The month of Elul is the month in which we are supposed to prepare ourselves for the High Holidays. Much like an airplane flight in which we prepare ourselves for our destination before we depart, be it for a vacation, to visit family, or to take a required business trip, so too with this month of Elul should we prepare ourselves for our destination. I think of Elul as the optimal time period for the destinations of self-improvement, character refinement and personal and spiritual elevation.
Although we believe that G-d always watches over the world, and is always waiting for our “return,” we also believe that, in a sense, He is more accessible during the 40-day period beginning with the start of Elul and culminating in the first ten days of the month of Tishrei. Those days, known as the “Ten Days of Repentance,” begin with “Rosh Hashanah,” and end with “Yom Kippur.”
A bit of history may put this into some context for you. On the first day of Elul, according to our accepted heritage, Moses ascended the mountain with the new Tablets of stone, having first pleaded for the grave sin of the Jews who had worshipped the golden calf in the desert. Divine mercy was offered, and forty days later Moses descended the mountain with the Second Tablets as a mark of renewed Divine favor. These 40 days, from the first day of Elul until Yom Kippur, have thus been fixed for thousands of years as days of repentance and forgiveness. The history of El Al can’t compare to that, so I won’t even bother going into it. Go to their web site if you really are interested in how El Al came about.
As Elul begins, the “Days of Awe” approach, as the High Holidays are often called. It is customary to set the mood of self-reflection at this time culminating in days of prayer and supplication. This is the real “jet ride” of Elul. For some the ride is smooth, while for others the turbulence is simply too great.
I’ll leave the fine flight attendants of El Al to show you how to get through one of their flights. I want to discuss how to watch over your senses during the flight of Elul, to insure a successful arrival at your destination.
Now to set the stage for this discussion I want to relate a story. There was once a rabbi who would gather together his congregation during Elul and speak to them about the importance of this time period, and the need not to waste the Elul trip. Once, a man said to him, “Rabbi, you’re wasting your time. What you say goes in one ear and out the other.”
“Thank you,” said the Rabbi. “I was afraid that what I said didn’t even go in one ear. Now that I hear that it goes in one ear and out the other, I am sure that at least something will remain inside.”
If Elul can take you on a wondrous trip leading to elevated character, personal elevation, and self-improvement, we certainly do not want to waste a moment. So the first thing I want you to do is see which of your character traits is out of balance. Over the past year have you, for example, become too lazy, not generous with charity, too disorganized, or too free with your gossip? If so, go to the opposite extreme and eventually it will balance out, more than likely before Rosh Hashanah.
Like Moses who spent 40 days leading to Yom Kippur, take 40 days from right now, and focus on just one character trait that is a problem for you. You know which one – the one everyone has been complaining about for the past year. Oh, there’s more than one? Uh oh. Well, choose just one. Again, for those 40 days go to the extreme opposite and allow yourself to balance out at the end of the 40 days.
Find a social setting and environment that supports this growth and change. You cannot expect yourself to change if you stay in the place that supports that old nasty habit of yours. The Torah tells us, and psychologists agree, that “having a good neighbor” – one who exemplifies the direction you know you want to go in, is the “good path to take in life.” And that includes a relationship as well. Perhaps you need some space in your negative relationship. Take it. Changing your actions will lead to a change in heart.
By focusing on the outside and the inside, you have a well-balanced, comprehensive approach to character change during this time period. Attacking a moral problem from a number of avenues, works best. Going to the extreme opposite for a period of time, works equally well with the inside and outside approach.
Now the ultimate goal, of course, is joyousness in life. This means, according to the Jewish definition, “a general good feeling about life.” It’s more than a good mood. It’s more than being cheery all of the time. It’s how to live a life that is basically satisfying.
Here are five well-accepted paths to creating joy, especially recommended at this time of Elul, prior to the High Holidays. Try each of them for a first class upgrade during your Elul trip to a life filled with joy.
1. Trust in G-d. Yes, G-d is in control of the world. This belief creates a deep sense of security about life. He didn’t create the world and “go to sleep.” G-d neither slumbers nor sleeps. Only humans sleep, “look away,” “ignore,” or “don’t pay attention,” not G-d. As from the beginning of our time, we believe G-d never withdraws His total love for us even in the worst of times. Like a loving biological parent, our Father in Heaven also is always looking out for our good, even if we as children don’t see it clearly. Maybe our parents really did know better. So this year, work on trusting. If you can’t trust anyone else in your world, trust G-d.
2. Your main source of joy is a purified, refined and elevated character. We know that emotional life is intimately related to moral and spiritual life. Flaws in these areas are likely tied to joylessness. Inner change is indicated if you want joy – again, remembering that joy is more than simply being “happy.”
3. Completion and perfection bring joy. When we involve all of our selves, our full body and our full mind, in creating joy, such as we can with the many opportunities Judaism provides us to do kindness, good deeds, improve our human relationships, and come closer to G-d in prayer, we arrive at joyousness.
4. Humility. Arrogance and self-centeredness, more than almost any other negative character trait, causes sadness and lack of joy. These traits keep you from coming close to people, enjoying relationships, and coming close to G-d, the ultimate source of true joy. A person, who believes he or she is better than others or more important than others, cannot give to others – the necessary ingredient for warm, loving relationships and ultimate joy in life. Instead, they look at what they are getting from other people, with enormous expectations that others can’t or won’t meet.
5. Learning more about Judaism. This is the best preparation for the Elul flight. It is interesting to note that a mourner in Judaism is halachically-prohibited form learning Torah because such learning ordinarily brings one joy. Learning more about your heritage from an accepted Torah scholar will enable you to see the higher power that Torah has in elevating, refining and improving your life, thereby bringing you greater joy.
“Elul” has been interpreted as an acronym, with its Hebrew letters “Aleph,” “Lamed,” “Vav,” “Lamed” representing the words “Ani L’Dodi V’Dodi Li” (Song of Songs: 6,3). The words mean “I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine,” where my “Beloved” is G-d, and “I” am the Jewish People. Thus, coming closer to G-d, our Beloved, leads to real joy.
The journey began again for us all on the first day of Elul. It will end, no doubt, on Tishrei 1 as it has for 5,774 years. This year, why not prepare at least as well as you would if you were boarding that El Al flight? The Elul destination certainly holds promise of a much more rewarding and joy-filled trip.
Happy New Year…May you and your family be inscribed for a year of health, success and prosperity…and most of all, joy-filled peace.
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Dr Michael Mantell, based in San Diego, is a Senior Fitness Consultant for Behavioral Sciences, American Council on Exercise, best-selling author and international behavior science presenter and keynote speaker. This article is reprinted from the healthy living section of Huffington Post Mantell may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com