Humoring the Headlines: September 17, 2014

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Chairman of the joint Chiefs General Martin Dempsey testified to the Senate on Tuesday, Sept. 16, that he couldn’t rule out dispatching boots on the ground to Iraq if circumstances warranted.  President Obama continues to insist that he will never reintroduce boots on the ground there.  Technically, the President might not betray his promise since it is rumored that the Pentagon has placed a large order for pairs of Kevlar Crocs.

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NASA has contracted with Boeing and SpaceX to build a new generation of space taxis.  To offset the cost, it will sell advertising space on the exterior surfaces of the taxis.  So far Boost and Viagra have purchased advertisements.

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Conservatives are outraged that the new Miss America Kira Kazantsev once served as an intern with Planned Parenthood raising the question of whether she would have even been allowed to enter the beauty pageant if she had been an advocate of unplanned parenthood.

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Local Motors has succeeded in building a car using a 3D printer.  The only problem with the vehicle is that it needs a gallon of toner every 500 miles.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be  taken literally.