By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ The United States and coalition countries like Saudi Arabia bombed ISIS targets in Syria. A spokesperson for the Saudis explained, “We find the beheadings of Western journalists abhorrent. Beheadings should be reserved only for the gravest of crimes like witchcraft.”
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Questions are being raised about how a man with a knife managed to jump the White House fence and get into the building’s front door. Embarrassed by the incident, the Secret Service’s Press secretary blamed it on misdialing the setting on its time travel machine which teleported agents to the 19th Century when the United States adhered to the Open Door policy.
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Actress Emma Watson delivered a fiery speech at the UN calling upon men throughout the world to stop physically abusing women. She received many emails criticizing her including one threatening to post nude photos of her on the internet. She responded by posting a picture of Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon mooning.
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American academics who have signed petitions advocating a boycott of Israeli universities and professors are now calling for a boycott of American universities and themselves to protest the bombing of ISIS sites in Syria.
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The commander of the troops President Obama has dispatched to Africa to assist in the battle against Ebola has questioned such humanitarian missions: “Of course, we defeated the Germans, but we have never been trained to fight germs.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.