By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ The Clinton Presidential Library released 10,000 documents this week related to Bill Clinton’s two terms as president. One of them was an email asserting that “acording to classical Jewish law, President Clinton did not commit adultery; adultery is defined as a married man having intercourse with a married woman, and Monica Lewinsky is single.” Since its publication, a majority of Gentile congressmen and state governors from both parties have decided to convert to Judaism.
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During her only debate with Mitch McConnell, Alison Lundergan Grimes, the Democratic senatorial candidate in Kentucky, refused to divulge if she voted for President Obama in 2008 and 2012 fearing the taint of being implicated in the conspiracy of 135,000,000 other Americans who preferred Obama over McCain and Romney to make Kenya the fifty-first state.
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This November Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical Cats will have its Israeli premiere under the new title Katz Thousands of Israeli stray cats are expected to attend.
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Israeli Housing Minister Uri Ariel characterized current delays in the processing of permits for Israeli settlements in the West Bank as a “freeze” and threatened to withdraw from Benjamin Natanyahu’s coalition if the problem is not rectified. Ariel is not worried about losing his job because he has received many lucrative offers to work for real estate agencies.
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Medical supply companies have developed curtains that are thoroughly impervious to pathogens like the Ebola virus. In a related story ultra-Orthodox Jewish men have requested that airlines install the curtains in every aisle to separate them from women passengers.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.