Humoring the Headlines: November 29, 2014

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ China’s State Administration for Press, Publication, Radio, Film and Television has banned the use of puns in state media because it’s not funny to be living under communism 25 years after the end of the Cold War.

*

Orthodox leaders have condemned Rabbi Steven Pruzansky of Teaneck, New Jersey for his inflammatory proposals to expel Arabs from Israel and lift the Dome of the Rock off the Temple Mount.  Descendants of the Hackensack tribe of Native Americans who dwelled in New Jersey before European settlers drove them out have demanded that the state’s Jews be deported to New York and a giant teepee built on the site of Pruzansky’s synagogue.

*

Governor O’Malley of Maryland gave energy companies the greenlight to start fracking in his state.  He made this contingent on their employing the safest procedures and promised to rename the state Buryland if the state’s water supply is contaminated by the procedure.

*

Ray Rice won his appeal to be reinstated in the NFL despite the videotaped record of him knocking his wife out.  After reading the verdict, the judge warned Rice that the ruling only permitted him to beat another team and not another woman.

*

Proponents of Israel’s proposed Jewish State Law to guarantee the Jewish character of the country argue that it is not enough that family law for Jews falls under the jurisdiction of rabbinical courts, that the Law of Return grants citizenship to any Jew who makes aliyah, that major Jewish holidays are national holidays, and that Arab parties have never been part of a government coalition.   What ever happened to Dayenu?

*

Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.