By Michael Mantell, PhD
SAN DIEGO — A client recently bought an expensive new car. He hasn’t been the same since. He’s been ranting about how expensive it is, how he shouldn’t have spent so much, and on and on. I asked him about what type of options he put into it and he angrily spewed, “A very expensive navi system!”
A navigation system? Who spends thousands on an in-dashboard GPS navigation system these days when our cell phones have the easiest and most reliable built right in. My friend, of course, has a cell phone, but has apparently lost his mind. His navigation system isn’t taking him where he was hoping it would take him –to the land of happiness.
Some GPS system he overspent on! I’ll rely on mine: Gratitude, Positivity and Sensitivity.
The word gratitude is based in the Latin word, gratia, meaning grace, graciousness or gratefulness. It’s that under-rated and under-utlized thankful appreciation for the good we receive in life, whether from our own efforts or from other people or a higher power. Super-star gratitude-dudes know to allow that same feeling of thankfulness to grow within them for those things, events, people and circumstances that don’t look all that good, that are real challenges and discomforts in life, as well. We never really know the purpose of why something happens.
In Judaism we learn, “Who is rich? Those who rejoice in their own portion.” Pirke Avot 4:1 We are taught to be happy with what we have. In fact, we are taught that someone who is a kafuy tova, unappreciative of what he/she has is deemed to be a sinner. We start each day with an attitude of gratitude, modeh ani, to remind us of the importance of saying “thank you.”
The gratitude personality I coach clients to strive for is one that recognizes there are no “no’s” in life—only a “yes” to be discovered perhaps at another time and in another place.
Recent research has pointed to gratitude as an elixir of mental and physical health, alertness and happiness. No “navi” system has yet figured out how to direct a driver to happiness but gratitude seems to be the “forgotten factor” in getting to happiness. At least that’s what psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough call it in their happiness research.
Cicero observed, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”
Want to sleep better? Want to exercise more? Want to reduce stress, anger, anxiety and depression? Want to recover from traumatic events more quickly? Want to enjoy the simple things in life instead of focusing on what you don’t have that others do? Want to have a healthier set of priorities? Want to bring joy into the lives of others along with yourself? Need to recalibrate your negative thinking?
Start creating that thankful approach to every person, every circumstance, every place, everything in your life. Write down, on a regular basis, what you feel most grateful for. Research at my alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania, tells us that your happiness will grow more from this, than from many other interventions measured.
Remember that gratitude is not just a feeling. It’s an action. Here are my top five actions you can take to cultivate this “forgotten factor” and fire up your own GPS system:
1 Never miss an opportunity to say “thank–you”—preferably IRL—it’ll connect you to others in a positive way. To paraphrase, if “thank you” is the only prayer you say, it’ll suffice. Smile at the first 10 people you see every morning.
2 Meditate. If that sounds too “heavy” then at least think about people, places, things and events on a regular basis, that you can create the feeling of gratitude for–past and present. What can go right today? What did go right? Don’t think anything has or will? Then meditate more. Meditation trumps medication.
3 Post up gratitude-growing sayings, phrases, posters, and prayers around your home and. if you can, in your workplace as well.
4 Recognize the good in everything. That’s right. Look for it. It’s there. Find a way to “paint adversity into a lovely picture” (Kak Sri’s observation).
5 No matter what you don’t have, do not feel sorry for yourself! It’s enough you are alive! Repeat after me, “This too is for the good!” Say it often.
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Mantell is author of the just published 25th Anniversary Edition of his1988 original, Don’’t Sweat the Small Stuff PS It’s All Small Stuff. Copies may be ordered via Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com
Good one, Michael!!!