A Yiddish guide to climate change

Editor’s note: Dan Bloom often uses humor to try to make a point about serious issues such as climate change and global warming. Here he mines a few treasured Yiddish words and phrases to write an oped about the problems humankind faces.

 By Dan Bloom

CHIAYI CITY, Taiwan  — Look, we have only one “drerd” (Earth) and look what we are doing to it! It’s truly “farkarkte” (messed up, literally “shitty”) what we have done to our home planet.

So yes, we need to ”kvetch” (complain) and kvetch loudly — and together and unison — all in the family, one ”mishpoche” (“family) on Earth, one people, one race, one Earth, one chance to get it right.

We need to speak directly to our world leaders and politicians who are not doing enough to avert a possibly unspeakable tragedy in the next 500 years. Maybe sooner. ”Oi gevalt!” (”oh no!”)

”Oi vey!” (oh such pain!)

”Oi vay iz mir!” (”Woe is us!”)

Catch my drift? I am a ”luftmensch” (man with his head in the clouds) and I must speak out. The world has become too materialistic and “ongeshtopt” (over-stuffed with money, which is short for “ongeshtopf mit gelt” — over-stuffed with money, as “gelt” means money). Given the levels of co2 now on our planet, measured at 400 parts per million now, an all-time record in human history, we need to downsize our lives, cut down drastically on our co2 emissions not just in Manhattan but worldwide — this is a major global emergency, so help me God! — and we need to “unstuff” ourselves. ASAP.

Am I right or am I wrong?

It’s a real “shande” (a disgrace, a scandal) what we are doing to the Earth with this climate change and global warming “meshagus” (craziness). The last 150 years have been over the top. But what did we know. We knew nothing. Until the United Nations stepped up to the plate with their IPCC reports. Now we know the score and there’s no use in pretending otherwise

And to fight AGW (man-made global warming)? It’s been “pisk malokhe” (all talk and no action) so far! And if we don’t stop AGW, we are headed for major “tsoris” (trouble, misery) in the future. Not now.

Now life is wonderful, full of speed and convenience and trendy gadgets and fuel-guzzling flying machines that take us to exotic Third World vacations and see how the other 99 percent live.

It’s time for our leaders and politicians to “afen tisch” (”put one’s ass on the table”; meaning “put up or shut up!).

But true enough, this is not going to be an easy problem to solve and we are going to need extreme patience (“zitsfleish”) to solve this potential co2 nightmare, God forbid it should ever come to pass for real and right in our faces!

“Kayn aynhoreh!” (an exclamation to ward off the Evil Eye in old superstitious lore).

Can I say it? The Earth, our Earth and God’s Earth, too, she has “kadokhes” – a fever. What we are doing to the Earth is “kaloshes” (nauseating). If we don’t stand up and speak out and take action — indivually and in groups, with large protest rallies worlwide — we will be headed to a “kaporeh” (sacrifice, scapegaot, disaster).

Am I making sense yet?

Okay, okay, so maybe I am a “kasnik” (excitable fellow). Sure. I am.

And maybe I am going too far with all this shouting from the rooftops about climate change. Maybe I’m a “meshugnah” (crazy, eccentric, emboldened). But look what’s at stake if we as a humanity do nothing.

The Earth is “ibledik” (sick) and we did it to ourselves. Yes, and if we do nothing and just carry on with business as usual, “koishekh” (darkness) will come upon us all.

So, look, I’m going to “kibbitz” (offer advice; also give unsolicited advice) here a little now. If nothing else, the Earth needs a “kranken-shvester” (nurse) now, and we, humankind, are the collective ”kranken-shvester.” Get it? We gotta do something!

To fix the climate and AGW, we are going to have to put up with some bitter experiences and bitter times and eat some bitter food (‘krain”– horseradish, bitter like Japanese “wasabi”). No one ever said this is going to be walk in the park. We need to stand up for “kind und kait” (young and old) on these issues. Are you with me so far?

Look, the issues are not “klaynekhkeit” (trivial). They are of urgent importance!

Am I shouting? Sorry, let me soften my voice a bit.

I am looking for the “lamed vovnik” (one of the fabled 36 wise men and women said to be born in each generation). So yes, Naomi Klein, Andy Revkin, Michael Mann, Darren Aronofsky, Margaret Atwood, James Lovelock, Mark Lynas, George Monbiot, Stephanie LeMenager, Elizabeth Kolbert, Nathaniel Rich, Barbara Kingsolver, Coral Davenport, Paolo Bacigalupi…and many more. You know who they are. You’ve read them.You’ve seen them on TV and the internet.

You want to hear the whole “megillah” (the whole story’ literally the Book of Esther from the Hebrew Bible)? Start reading. Start doing your homework.

Don’t be a “moishe kapeyeh” (a foolish person; a person who does things incorrectly or backwards, ineptly; literally meaning “Moses standing upside down on his head”). The very existence of the human species is at stake with this climate change thing.

“Nu?” (So? Well? What are we going to do?)

You think all this is “nisht geferlakh” (no big deal, something not so terrible)? No, no, man-made global warming (AGW) is a very big deal.

It’s very “geferlakh” (terrible) if we do nothing for the health and well-being of future generations in the next 500 years.

You don’t care about people in the next 500 years? You only care about here and now, and how to feed your stomach and your materialistic appetities and exotic Third World vacation fetishes?

Oy gevalt! Oy vey! Oy vey iz mir!

*
Bloom, based in Taiwan, is a freelance writer, inveterate web surfer, and passionate about climate change.  Your comment may be posted in the box below or sent directly to the author via dan.bloom@sdjewishworld.com