By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Two scientists from Johns Hopkins University have concluded that the cause of two-thirds of all cancers is luck and not behavior, environment, or heredity. In their next study they will distinguish between the variables that cause benign rather than malignant luck.
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Sylvester Stallone has announced his plan to produce the final film in the Rambo series. It will chronicle Rambo’s heroic battle with a terminal disease and will be entitled: Rambo: Do Not Resuscitate.
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Turkish President Erdrogan vowed to prosecute cartoonists who draw him in unflattering ways. Kim Jong-un tweeted him, “There are worse things than unflattering cartoons!”
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Megan Smith, President Obama’s top technology advisor, revealed that some members of the White House staff are still using floppy disks. To gradually modernize the President’s computer system, she suggested dropping MS-DOS and switching to Windows 95.
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Many NYPD officers attending the funeral of slain comrade Wenjian Liu turned their backs on Mayor Bill de Blasio during his eulogy for Liu. Embarrassed by this protest, Police Chief William Bratton claimed the officers were demonstrating their backing for the Mayor.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.