By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Asking journalists to exercise more discretion instead of mocking other religions, Pope Francis asserted that if someone cursed his mother, he would punch him. Whatever happened to turning the other cheek?
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Syria released a report about its economy indicating that oil was no longer its biggest export product. It has been replaced by Jihadists. In a related story aerial photographs of the Turkish border with Syria have confirmed that it is made of Swiss cheese.
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A country club bartender who felt John Boehner had treated him poorly planned to poison his drinks before deciding to launch an attack on Congress. Other bartenders have admitted that they don’t like Boehner either but always expected he would kill himself by consuming too much liquor and spending too much time in tanning salons.
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Why math must be part of the core curriculum of American public schools: Congress is on the verge of approving funds for the Keystone Pipeline. A majority of Americans support the project. It costs the Gulf States about $27 to produce a barrel of oil; and Saudi costs about $17. It costs Russia about $50 on average to produce oil from onshore sources. It costs the United States $65 to produce a barrel of oil from shale, and Canada $70 from tar sands. The current price of oil on the international market is $46 per barrel. Now ask any grammar school student if the Keystone Pipeline is a good investment.
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President Obama sent a formal apology to the French for not attending the mass demonstration in Paris, but explained that Bo and Sunny had eaten his invitation.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.