By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Mitt Romney told the National Republican Committee in San Diego County that he plans to make eradicating poverty a key part of his 2016 presidential candidacy. Stepping back from his 2012 campaign gaffe, he declared, “I want to elevate the 47 % into the 1 % and rename the current 1 %, the 101st percentile. The GOP symbolized its commitment to the poor by holding the meeting at the luxurious Hotel Del Coronado.
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The Belgian arms dealer who sold Kalashnikovs and rocket launchers to the Islamic terrorist responsible for the murders of customers at the kosher supermarket in Paris turned himself in to the police. He claimed he was misled into thinking that the man wanted the weapons to play a game of cowboys and Indians rather than one of caliphs and infidels.
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African-American groups plan to demonstrate against the failure of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to nominate any black actors or actresses for Oscars this year. They will encourage the wearing of tee shirts with the logo, “I Can’t Win” unless Tyler Perry receives a lifetime achievement award.
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In his State of the Union address, President Obama will introduce proposals to raise the capital gains tax and close loopholes that favor the superrich. Following the pattern of his recent bold policy movies, he’ll end this section of his speech by yelling, “Roll over, Grover!”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.