By Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
(Delivered Sunday, Jan. 11, 2015 at Greenwood Cemetery, San Diego)
SAN DIEGO — When we confront the death of a loved one, we become conscious of time’s steady flow, and we plead, as did the psalmist of old, Limnot yameinu kne hoday, v’navi l’vav chochma. “Teach us to number our days,” Oh Lord, “that we may attain a heart of wisdom.” And yet, how can one number one’s days wisely? Is a simple total of the ways we spend in the world really significant? There are people who live their lives, whose years well exceed the proverbial three score and ten, and yet, when they pass away, only a death notice in the newspaper serves to let the world know that this individual lived.
No, it is not simply the number of days that one lives that is significant. Significance lies, rather, in the use that one makes of the hours granted to one. It is to experience what life has to offer, both its sorrows and its joys, its frustrations and its accomplishments.
To become deeply involved in the lives of others, to give freely of one’s love and affection, to feel oneself loved and appreciated is to live wisely. Then, when one’s hour has come, one has left behind him a legacy of memories to be treasured by children, and honored by family and friends.
When one has lived a life such as this, one can be grateful that God has granted one a heart of wisdom, so that one might fill one’s days with significance.
Today, we gather to mourn for, but also to celebrate the life of, Pauline Newman, who died last week at the age of 97. Pauline, whose Hebrew name was Pesha bat Zalman Kasriel, used her days wisely, made each one count, and gave back to the world more than she ever received.
I met Pauline shortly after my arrival at Tifereth Israel Synagogue. Reuben passed away shortly after I came to TIS. Rabbi Aaron Gold was on vacation and Reuben’s was the first funeral I conducted here. To this day, I remember Pauline’s grief at his passing.
Pauline and Reuben were married for 46 years, but knew each other for 53 years. They met at a social league sponsored by the Workman’s Circle. They fell deeply in love, but times were tough. Depression & war kept them from marrying. Reuben was a pacifist, but when drafted he went off to serve his country. Pauline waited for him, working three jobs, including as a bookkeeper in her father’s cabinet company, to earn and save money.
Pauline and Reuben married during his time in the service. Reuben always said it was to make sure Pauline would receive his $50.00 military wife’s allotment each month!
Reuben and Pauline were deeply in love. They were always together. They were devoted to one another. Their children remember how much their parents loved each other, how they always hugged in front of them. Although she went on with her life after he passed away, she never got over his death. She couldn’t speak about him without tearing up.
After his passing people tried to introduce her to other men. She refused to even date. She had lost the one love of her life, and no one else would ever be able to come near.
Pauline was an institution here at Tifereth Israel. She was involved in almost every aspect of synagogue life, including the Board and the Sisterhood. She was an avid and constant volunteer who never hesitated to lend a helping hand. She also attended Shabbat services faithfully every Saturday morning.
Pauline was a woman who was heavily invested in the community and in volunteer work. When her children Mark, and Marcia (married to Gordon), were growing up, she was a member of PTA and eventually its president. She was active in synagogue and Sisterhood at Congregation Beth Shalom in New York, as well as in Hadassah, ORT, and the Jewish Women’s Council. She continued those activities when she moved to San Diego. She was also an officer in her condominium association here in San Diego, and when she moved into assisted living in Beverly Hills, she became involved in the residents’ association there.
Pauline was a very friendly, gregarious, and personable women. She was, as we all know, quite outspoken. You never had to worry about Pauline saying something about you behind your back. She had no qualms about telling it to your face! She was honest, outspoken, and had very strong political opinions.
You knew where her political allegiance lay: with the Democratic Party. She believed if you had a political opinion, you should express it. when George W. Bush was president – and war in Iraq was raging, Mark would call her every day. She would complain about Bush & Vice President Dick Cheney. She grew up with strong socialist liberal values, and clung to them her entire life.
To me. Pauline was an inveterate New Yorker. Born in Brooklyn, she went to high school there and on to City College. She worked during the war as a bookkeeper. She worked most of her life, at least part time. She was a liberated and an independent woman.
Pauline put attention and energy into raising her kids. When they were growing up, she tended to them, making sure that she didn’t miss their plays or other activities around them. As a family would go on vacation to upstate New York as well as on trips to San Diego.
Pauline had no prejudices and taught her kids to feel the same. She accepted all people in her life as equals. Pauline also loved her grandchildren: Jennifer, Lisa, and Rebecca.
Pauline taught her children to be kind to everyone. Marcia told me the story of how her mom and dad were walking someplace and saw poor person, and promptly gave him $1.00, saying “he needs it more than we do.” Marcia follows her example. … Mark told me his mother taught him: speak out when you see something wrong in society; society is not perfect. You have to fix it up.”
Pauline was devoted to synagogue, Judaism and Israel. She wanted to make sure her kids had a good Jewish education, and made sure they attended Hebrew school. She and Reuben went on a trip to Israel with Rabbi Gold many years ago.
They also went on other trips and cruises together. Pauline was an avid reader, especially of mysteries, and she participated in a regular mah-jong day with her friends.
Pauline was strong, healthy, and independent for almost her entire life. She even would walk from the residence to the bus stop by herself at the age of 97!. She took Yiddish classes at her assisted living, and helped teach other residents.
Her mind was sharp as a tack, she was alert and aware until the very end. Her younger brother and sister died last year, however, and this depressed her. She knew she was the last of her generation, that she was up in years, and that she didn’t have much time left.
In fact, I spoke with her about three weeks ago, when she matter of factly told me that her time was coming to end soon. She was just as direct and outspoken about this as she was about everything else.
While Pauline Newman was with us, she lived her life wisely, and filled her years with goodness and good humor. She was a loving wife, a giving, respected and loving mother and grandmother and a friend to many. She filled the lives of those around her with goodness, kindness and love.
Although we weep at her passing, we are nevertheless grateful that we had her in our lives for so many years. Let us pray that her memory will forever be an inspiration to all of us, that her love will always fill this world, and that her example will teach all of us to better number our own days, in our own pursuits of hearts of wisdom. May her soul be bound up in the bond of Eternal Life.
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San Diego Jewish World’s eulogy series is sponsored by Marc and Margaret Cohen in memory of Mollie Cohen and by Inland Industries Group LP in memory of long-time San Diego Jewish community leader Marie (Mrs. Gabriel) Berg. Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego.