Rene Holland Borkan (1922-2015)

By Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
(Eulogy delivered Jan 28 at El Camino Memorial Park, San Diego)

SAN DIEGO — One of the editors of the Book of Proverbs has preserved for us a striking metaphor which conveys to us a profound insight into the purpose of life. He tells us: Ner hashem nishmat adam. “The soul of a person is the candle of God. (P 20:2, TB Shabbat 30b)” Implicit in this statement is the thought that in each individual, God has implanted a spark of the Divine. And each of us has been given the opportunity (or rather obligation) to tend this spark, to care for it, to fan it into a flame which will light up one’s life, and the lives of those with whom we come into contact.

This metaphor of Ner Hashem “the candle of the Lord” captures the very essence of the life of Rivka Chasa Blumah bat Meir v’Sarah– Rene Borkan, who passed away on Sunday (Jan. 25, 2015) at the age of 92. Rene brightened the world in which she lived. The divine spark that glowed within her inspired her to acts of kindness that spoke of both love of God and of fellow human beings.

A candle can be snuffed out, or it can burn out with the passage of time. But a candle can also be used to kindle other candles, and to pass on its flame to others, where its flame will continue to burn after the mother candle itself has been extinguished.

The soul of Rene Borkan was a Ner Hashem – a candle of the Lord which lighted the small corner of the world that she inhabited. She kindled in the hearts of others, family, friends, fellow congregants, a flame of devotion to ideals, and to the Jewish way of life which will continue to burn through the years.

Rene was brought up in the Pittsburgh suburb of California, Pennsylvania.  She was the oldest of the sisters.She is survived by her sister, Libby, and our hearts go out to her and we pray that God will comfort her on her loss.

From an early age, Rene knew the value of hard work and doing what needs to be done. Her father had a store  As a young girl, when she was not in school, Rene went to the store to help her father. After her family moved to Newark, New Jersey, while still a young girl, Rene would wake up at 5 a.m. to help her father pack parcels and make deliveries. Then she would go to school, and afterwards return to the store to help.

In high school, she continued to wake up early to help her father, and then, after school, she worked as bookkeeper for a pajama company. When she was done there, she would go back to help her father once again.

Throughout her life no work was too hard for her, and she never complained. Her family called her ‘a tough old bird’ and she was proud of it. She knew that forging ahead and not letting anything get you down was the way to have a happy and successful life.

Rene met Sherman, the love of her life, and her devoted husband for 62 years until his passing in 2005, while she was working in the pajama factory. Family lore has preserved several variations of the story of how they met, and they shared two of them with me.

The first: she was on her lunch break at PJ factory, and he was on break from a nearby business and was passing by. He thought she looked Italian, and asked her if she would like to know her Jewish name…Rene’s response is not preserved, but their beautiful romance blossomed from that time forth.

The second version that Sherman used to tell: “I was walking along with my buddies, and we were passing a bar. She got thrown out of bar. I picked her up.” This version sounds somewhat apocryphal to me.

Regardless, Rene and Sherman’s daughters, Linda and Gail, told me that their parents had a beautiful, loving, caring, and devoted relationship. The way the treated each other and how they functioned as a couple, made them role models not only for their daughters but for all who knew them.

In many ways theirs was a traditional marriage. Each had roles in life. She ruled the house. He was a hard worker outside the home in order to support his family. But all important decisions were made together.  They sat and talked things out when they disagreed until they reached a solution.

There was lots of laughter as well as love in their relationship.  There was a lot of humor. They kibbitzed with each other, poked and prodded each other, and didn’t take themselves seriously. They were always ready to laugh and have a good time.

Rene was also a caretaker. Sherman was both a diabetic and a nosher – not a good combination. Rene took care of him, especially when Sherman faced health challenges. Her family credits her for keeping him with them so long, and for his being able to live for 85 years

Rene’s children Linda and Gail adored her, and when Linda married Howard, and Gail married Neil, Rene always referred to them as sons and not as sons-in-law.

Her daughters said that their mother encouraged and promoted them. She pushed them to be the best they could be. She was, as the song says, the wind beneath their wings.

Gail told me her mom was her everything. Gail and Linda remember their mom as very active in synagogue and sisterhood, especially in New Jersey. Rene loved to sing and to play piano in shows.  Rene sang Hatkivah more times than her daughters can remember, as she was honored to lead in the singing of Israel’s national anthem before most of their synagogue’s programs. She was also President of the mother-daughter club and supported her daughters’ Girl Scout activities.

Rene was blessed with four grandchildren and their spouses: Michelle & Rock, Joshua & Jessica, Jessica & Jason, Amanda & Robert, and 6 great-grandchildren: Derek, Sadie, Dylan, Rowan, Remi, and Jordan. Since “Great-Grandmother” was such a mouthful, her great-grandchildren always referred to her as “GG.”

Family meant everything to Rene, and there was nothing she would not do for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She was truly the matriarch of the family.

She was huggy, kissy, and supportive. She flew to Maryland in December for Michelle’s birthday – even though that meant leaving sunny San Diego for the cold and snowy East Coast. Joshua remembers his grandmother’s visit and zest for life. Rene cared for Jessica and Amanda when sick, and was often seen waiting at the Fletcher Hills Elementary School to take the girls home. And of course, GG loved to spend the night at “Camp Henderson.”

Rene didn’t work full time after her kids were born. When her family moved to San Diego, she kept books for Sherman’s dental laboratories and  made deliveries. She would take her granddaughters with her on dental deliveries, ande would stop to buy them treats on the way home

She adored her great-grandchildren.  She loved all of them, though she was especially fortunate to have Jordan close by. Amanda treasures the bond that developed between her son and her grandmother.  Amanda would drop him off, when he was a little over 12 months old and she was in her 80s. She was his caregiver. She let Amanda sleep while she bounced and played with Jordan.  She was an incredible influence in his life, and felt blessed to be able to be with him.

Rene had lots of friends.  Her  love, openness, warmth, attracted people to her. Friends called her “my angel.”

She was honest.  She  looked for people who were down to earth, who had a gutte neshama, who made no judgments. She was very uncomfortable around people who put on airs.

She was a balaboste, who always welcomed people. When she threw a party and you asked if you could bring someone, she would always say yes, that there was no difference between having 50 or  60 people over. The more the merrier. There was always food on the table; she always wanted to serve you. Rene always wanted to be active, and doing things. It was impossible for her to sit still.

No matter what was needed, Rene was ever ready to help, clean up or paint a room. Michele remembers her grandmother carrying a heavy bookshelf up stairs even at an advanced age. She also kept active in organizations. She was a member of Tifereth Israel Synagogue and the Sisterhood. She also was president of the local chapter of ORT.

“Rini” kept herself in good physical condition. She walked every day, and exercised on the bike, treadmill, or trampoline. She always did something to keep herself physically active each day.

She loved to knit and crochet, especially booties. She made booties for the world. She was the bootie queen. She made booties for Joshua’s campus dorm.. She sewed leather on Josh’s booties so he could wear them around campus.

She made yarn octopuses for Michele’s classmates–30 of them. She brought them all from California in a suitcase. And she knit Kippot for every family Bar and Bat Mitzvah. She was an expert seamstress. She was always hemming people’s pants.

Rene also bit of an insomniac. She watched the late show, and the late late show – or she would  iron.  She ironed everything. If it stood still, it would be ironed. Howard told me she once did his wash and his underwear came back ironed.

Rene loved children, not only her own children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but all kids. She became adopted grandmother of her grandchildren’s friends. She tutored at Gail’s school and was cheer leader for Gail’s students.

Throughout her entire life Rene was strong, independent, strong willed, stubborn and  generous. She maintained her zest for life well into her old age. She would do anything for anyone, but never wanted to trouble anyone else.

A few years back, she fell at home but shewouldn’t press the “life alert” button. Instead she went out with friends. They left and Gail called. “Well I fell a little.” “Mom are you hurt?” Gail raced over; it turned out Rene had broken six ribs. “I didn’t want to bother anyone.” She came from hearty robust Russian stock.

A few years ago, however, no longer able to live independently, she moved in with Gail and Neil. She accepted her new living arrangement, helped as much as she could, and continued to enjoy her family and life.

Sadly, she became ill with the flu, and at her advanced age, in turned into pneumonia. Though her spirit was strong, her body was too weak to fight it.

Her family said today is a sad day, but it is also a day of celebration, a celebration of Rini’s long, fruitful, and happy life.

They are grateful for gifts she has given them: strength, love, independence, knowing that if they want something they will have to make it happen, and of course, just a little stubborness.

During her 92 – almost 93 years – The flame that was Rene Borkan’s life lighted the world. That flame has now been passed on to all who knew and loved her.

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San Diego Jewish World’s eulogy series is sponsored by Marc and Margaret Cohen in memory of Molly Cohen, and by Inland Industries Group LP in memory of long-time San Diego Jewish community leader Marie (Mrs. Gabriel) Berg.   Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego.