By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Paleontologists have discovered evidence that dinosaurs ate hallucinogenic ergot. Humans continue to consume strains of the same psychedelic fungus. This explains why creationists believe humans lived at the same time as dinosaurs.
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The University of California Students Association passed a resolution for the UC system to divest itself from companies doing business with Brazil, Egypt, Israel, Indonesia, Mexico, Russia, Sri Lanka, and Turkey because these countries violate human rights. Exemplary defenders of human rights like China and Saudi Arabia weren’t included on the list. The UC system has calculated the financial impact of the divestiture resolution and has announced that it will close several of its campuses to honor the UCSA’s wishes.
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John Stewart regularly skewers network and cable news for minimizing the coverage of serious news in favor of reports about the entertainment industry and human interest stories. After he revealed he will be stepping down from hosting The Daily Show, cable and network news shows have devoted more broadcast time to what his loss augers for American society than they have covering ISIS, the Ukrainian civil war, the President’s request for a new Authorization of Military Force, and climate change. Perhaps Stewart isn’t retiring but just trying to prove his point.
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An Alabama judge refused to perform a marriage ceremony between two women and arrested a minister who agreed to officiate it. The criminal charge was honey laundering.
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German Chancellor Angela Merkel negotiated an armistice between Ukraine and Russian-backed separatists. When asked how she managed to get the two sides to agree to it, she said I reminded them what happened the last time Germany invaded Ukraine.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.