By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Congressional Republicans refuse to renew funding for the Department of Homeland Security unless President Obama rescinds his Executive Action allowing millions of undocumented aliens to remain in the United States. In other words to protect our American borders from illegal immigrants, the United States will stop protecting itself from terrorists.
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Pentagon analysts are studying the recent explosion of a train carrying highly combustible oil from North Dakota to ascertain whether this technology can be applied in the bombing campaign against ISIS. In a related story the West Virginia city of Boomer where the explosion occurred is changing its name to Kaboomer.
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Speaking at a fundraiser last night, Rudy Giuliani said: “I do not believe that the President loves America. And he doesn’t love me.” Monica Lewinsky tweeted that she concurred. A spokesperson for the President noted that most Republicans don’t love Giuliani either.
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South Dakota lawmaker Isaac Latterell has accused Planned Parenthood of being as bad as ISIS for condoning a late-term abortion procedure which he contends is tantamount to “preborn infant beheading.” Asked to elaborate on this analogy, he reputedly declared: “Well, first of all, these fetuses are hostages in the wombs of un-Christian women. They kill these infants, a word which suspiciously sounds a lot like infidels.” Asked to comment on Latterell’s charge, Planned Parenthood responded that it least he’s dropped the Holocaust analogies.
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The NRA is worried about the FAA’s proposal to regulate the private usage of drones. It is developing a new publicity campaign with the slogan: “The only way to stop a bad government with a drone is a good guy with a drone.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.