By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ First, it was Brian Williams lying about his experiences in Iraq. Next it was revealed that Bill O’Reilly hadn’t reported from a combat zone during the Falklands War. Now Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert McDonald has admitted that he did not serve in the Special Forces as he once claimed. Doctors believe the three men have contracted Fibola. O’Reilly has announced the title of his next book, Killing Credibility.
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Alaska has decriminalized the use of marijuana. When asked what she thought of the new legislation, Sarah Palin told reporters, “I no longer have any desire to look at Russia, but I can’t take my eyes off the aurora borealis. Before you leave, give me another Klondike bar.”
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The European Union has granted Greece a four month extension of its bailout contingent on the country implementing a series of financial reforms. The EU added, “If you don’t get your act together soon, we’re telling Vladimir Putin that Greece once belonged to Russia.”
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The Catholic Church is considering conferring sainthood on Brazilian priest Guido Schäffer who died in a surfing accident. It contends that he was walking on water before he fell into the ocean and that the last words he uttered before his ultimate baptism were “Jesus Christ.”
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The Kardashian sisters were in a car that slid off a highway in Montana and landed in a ditch. When asked if they had been hurt, Kim replied, “We’re OK. Luckily we weren’t rear ended.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.