By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Based on its investigation of the Ferguson Police Department, the Department of Justice concluded that Ferguson’s police exhibited a pattern of racism against African Americans in arrests, fining, car and pedestrian stops, ticketing, and the use of force and dogs. In an addendum the DOJ revealed that the highest ranking police officers hold their weekly meetings at a nearby White Castle.
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McDonald’s announced that it will reduce the use of antibiotics in its chicken products, but assured parents that it will still inoculate all chickens processed into nuggets for Happy Meals with Chickenpox vaccine.
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The Alabama Supreme Court has refused to enforce a federal court’s ruling that the state’s ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. The Alabama Legislature is considering seceding from the union and dispatching a replica of a Confederate Ironclad to shell San Francisco. It also plans to refer applications for gay marriage licenses to ISIS, Russia, and Saudi Arabia.
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Countering criticism that usage of her private email address for State Department business did not pose a security risk, Hillary Clinton has disclosed that she reserved all classified communications for her Facebook account whose “friends” only included trusted allies.
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The producers of Sharknado 3 announced that Mark Cuban, Ann Coulter, and Jerry Springer will appear in the sequel about sharks swept up in a tornado who then rain down on Washington D.C. and Miami. This casting aims at eliciting audience sympathy for the sharks.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.
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