By Donald H. Harrison
SAN DIEGO – Former World War II Prisoner of War Sy Brenner in 2012 published a memoir called The Night I Got Killed, telling about the harrowing experiences he had keeping his Jewish identity secret from his Nazi captors and serving the camp as a medic.
On Monday, March 9, had he only been able to, Brenner, 92, might have compiled notes for a new book, or at least a short story, called The Day I Got Buried. It wasn’t as dramatic, of course, as the time he was blown into the air by artillery shells and landed unconscious on the battlefield, where another soldier broke Brenner’s dog tag in half in order to remove the “H” for “Hebrew” signifying Brenner’s religion. Had that not been done, the wounded Brenner might simply have been summarily shot by the Nazis.
However, there was indeed some drama at Brenner’s funeral. Near the beginning of the service, held graveside at El Camino Cemetery, one man, suffering from diabetes, fainted and had to be taken away by ambulance. Near the end of the service, a woman also fainted who had been listening to the many tributes to Brenner that were offered by family members and by Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal of Tifereth Israel Synagogue.
As both fainting victims were able to sit up and assist the ambulance attendants who transported them to a hospital, Brenner probably would have cracked a joke, perhaps about them “upstaging” him. As various speakers attested, Brenner had an irrepressible humor, eyes that twinkled, and a love of show business and music, especially from the Big Band era.
At the beginning of the funeral, Brenner’s flag draped-coffin was attended by members of a military unit who folded the flag into triangles and presented it to his oldest daughter, Donna Cohen. Seated nearby were Brenner’s other children, Mo Bailey and Ron Brenner, as well as grandchildren and other relatives. Rounding out the group of mourners were members of Tifereth Israel Synagogue, where Brenner had worshipped; La Vida Real in Rancho San Diego, where he had lived; and various veterans groups, who had often invited Brenner to speak to them about Post-Traumatic Stress.
Over the years, Brenner had collected many honors, some of which daughter Bailey listed.
He was the 2010 POW Veteran of the Year in San Diego. He was interviewed by the National World War II Museum in New Orleans, and that interview has been archived. His memoir, along with items from other POWs, was placed in a time capsule at the Miramar National Cemetery. KPBS and Union Bank honored him as a local hero as part of Jewish American Heritage Month in 2013. He was flown to Sacramento and there honored by Assemblyman Brian Jones (R-San Diego) on Holocaust Remembrance Day for the role he and other American soldiers played in winning the war and bringing down the Nazi regime.
In remembrance after remembrance, stories of Brenner’s humor bubbled through the pain of his loss. Bailey, who had helped to publicize Brenner’s book and often drove him to speaking engagements, recalled that she thought of her father as a ‘Sy-lebrity.’ She added: “Dad would be telling me not to give too much information right now and I can hear him saying, ‘Tell them to buy the book!’ Yet more important to him was that people read the book and not just let it sit on a shelf. It has history and facts that schools don’t share. As his friend Leo says, ‘Sy tells it like it really was!’”
Born June 2, 1922 in Montreal, Canada, Brenner was the child of parents who had immigrated from the Austro-Hungarian Empire. When he was an infant the family relocated to Detroit, where Brenner learned to love the Detroit Tigers and baseball. In fact, confided daughter Donna Cohen, their last conversation “was about the Detroit Tigers’ pitching staff.”
After moving to San Diego, with his wife of nearly 60 years Resa (who died in March 2010 and is buried alongside him) Brenner became an avid Padres fan. He was looking forward to the opening of the 2015 baseball season, Donna Cohen related. Before he died, “he flirted with the nurses, joked with everyone,” Cohen related. “Dad touched so many people with his warmth, care and humor. He would say his mother told him he should learn something every day. He believed that.”
Grandson Dylan Bailey advised mourners to “stop crying” because Brenner “would have liked everyone here to take a deep breath and celebrate his life.”
“I’m going to celebrate him for the man he was, a golfing ex-POW who could tell some funny ‘dirty’ jokes without dirty words.”
Granddaughter Alicia Cohen Kraus remembered that “when we would go swimming at the house of Gem Lake, Zaidi (grandfather) would always tell me to ‘not get wet in the water.”
Like her grandfather, Kraus said she enjoys having large groups at her home for dinner. “I can’t wait for the day we have a big enough home that I can host 16 every week. … There was never a Thanksgiving or Passover at their house that I didn’t meet a new relative or soldier or sailor or marine or someone they (Sy and Resa) met randomly that needed a place for the meal. As I added garbanzo beans to my salad this past Shabbat I remember that this, along with blueberries, were the two foods that Zaidi and I both loved – something Bubbie (grandma) loved to remind me of whenever they were served. And, as I added the chocolate chips to my challah this past week, I thought of how, in the last few years, Zaidi had taken to calling us, his grandchildren, the chocolates of his life.”
Kraus told of perhaps inheriting a bit of Brenner’s humor. “He asked if I know what the soon-to-be great-grandchild will be. I told him I’m pretty sure that it’s human!”
Rabbi Rosenthal, who co-officiated the service with retired Cantor Sam Radwine, said Brenner kept his humor even when he knew death was approaching. “When his best friend Eliott Simon died, the funeral home was very cold. So Sy told his family that to make sure he stayed warm. He wanted to be buried in socks, specifically red sox – though no one knows why – and the family honored his wishes.” Furthermore, Rosenthal noted, Brenner even left instructions for the hearse driver to be “careful of speed bumps, so the ride to the cemetery wouldn’t disturb him.”
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San Diego Jewish World’s eulogy series is sponsored by Marc and Margaret Cohen in memory of Molly Cohen, and by Inland Industries Group LP in memory of long-time San Diego Jewish community leader Marie (Mrs. Gabriel) Berg. Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego.
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The complete eulogy delivered by Rabbi Rosenthal is published below:
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Harrison is editor of San Diego Jewish World. Your comments and tributes to Sam Seymour “Sy” Brenner may be posted below.
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I read through the eulogy and I was reminded how much your mom in the hospice bed and Sy and your family stood out amongst all the hospice patients and families I cared for. I saw the light around Sy and what a special man he was. I was compelled to talk to him more and ‘became a part of him’ He had that ability to draw people in. I wanted to know his story. I knew he was SO VERY SPECIAL.
Love,
Melinda Shega
Former San Diego Hospice RN and friend
Such a beautiful man with a full and meaningful life. I remember him well.
Love Phyllis Spital, San Diego
thank you Phyllis, for being so sweet to both my parents. They loved and appreciated you too – as do we!
Thank you Don. As always, you’ve done my dad proud. He would have relished in this story, and his burial services. I hope he was watching down and saw it, then read what you wrote. Much love and gratitude to you!
Mo – Your father was an amazing man and I am so blessed to have known him and to have had so many opportunities to listen to his wisdom. He will be sincerely missed.
With love,
Marta LaBelle, Carlsbad, California
Marta – thank you so much for all you did for my dad at the MH Group. He was so honored to be a part of it and appreciated every update I read to him. Pure gratitude to you and the group!
Eulogy for Sy Brenner by Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal, Tifereth Israel Synagogue, delivered March 9, 2015 at El Camino Real. (Brenner died on March 4, 2015):
In a vivid and memorable statement, our sages utilized a phrase in which the type of personality that Judaism valued is described. They tell us: KOL HAMORID D’MA-OT AL ADAM KASHER HAKADOSH BARUKH HU, SOFRAN U-MAYNIHAN B’VAIT G’NUZAV – “The tears shed at the passing of an ADAM KASHER are so precious in the eyes of God that God counts each of them, and stores each of them in a treasure house”.
Our sages did not use the expression ADAM HASHUV – an important man, or ADAM GADOL – a great man. Instead, our sages coined a most unusual phrase, ADAM KASHER – a term which is virtually untranslatable into English. We know what the word KASHER means when it is applied to food. However, what does the term KASHER mean when it is applied to a person? What sort of man did our sages have in mind when they said that God Himself mourns his passing? When the term KASHER is applied to a person, it seems to mean a man of integrity, a good man, a man who lives a life in the spirit of Judaism – a life of closeness to family, of service to community, and of reverence for God. Samuel Seymour “Sy” Brenner, who died Wednesday night at the age of 92 was such a person .…
…As we look back over the years and review the life of this ADAM KASHER – this good, this honest, this helpful and generous person, we feel impelled to shed a tear at his/her departure. But we can find comfort in the knowledge that these tears are so precious in the sight of the Almighty that God will count them and will store them in God’s treasure house.
Sy was first and foremost a mensch. A kind, honest, generous man, who lived his life with goodness and integrity. His life was defined by his honesty, compassion, and willingness to help and comfort those in need. He accepted everyone for who they were. He was blind to race, color, religion, and sexual orientation. It didn’t matter what your background was, Sy loved you.
Sy was born in Montreal. youngest of 6 children. His 3 sisters & 2 brothers were all quite a bit older.. Family moved to Detroit when he was 9 months old – Sy’s Parents didn’t speak much English – but always wanted their kids to be Americans, and to know who their senator & congressman was. Sy’s father was well informed. He read the Forward every day and memorized all the presidents. Sy’s father and Sy’s dreams came true when Sy was in Boot Camp and became an American citizen.
Because of the war Sy didn’t have much formal education, just high school & very little college. Before the war, he wanted to be a chiropodist–that or become a catcher for the Tigers. After the War, he found part time work on radio with Lone Ranger & Green Hornet on radio. They were out of Detroit. He did voices for their shows, but when shows moved to Chicago, he didn’t want to join them.
Sy was a sales rep for Cinderella dresses – girls clothing. He traveled in Arizona, Nevada & Utah. His customers wanted to be around his sense of humor. He was very successful.
Sy told me that he knew that he was going to marry Resa from the first time he set eyes on her, before she knew him. He spotted her in a restaurant with a group of friends and made sure she asked one of them to give him her name and number. He invited Resa to join him at a concert and gave her the by now well known ill-fated gardenia corsage (to which she was allergic). About a year later they married, despite the fact that Sy was not a dancer. Resa’s mother had told her there was more to life than dancing, and fortunately, Resa listened! On their first anniversary Donna was born, Resa’s Father’s Day gift to Sy.
Donna (who is married to Leon) was soon joined by Sy & Resa’s other children: Ron and Mo. In turn, their three children gave them six grandchildren: William, Alicia, Seth, Megan, Sarah & Dylan, and two great-grandchildren: Jolee and Shayna.
Resa, z”l & Sy had long devoted marriage. They were married for almost 61 years until parted by her death in 2010. They had a loving marriage though they also had their shares of ups and downs. But they always took care of each other. Resa was very protective of Sy. She knew how he suffered from PTSD, even though he tried to hide it from their children. In the end he was the one who took care of her during the last years of her life when she suffered from Alzheimer’s – but she always thought she was the one taking care of him.
Ron told me he holds close a picture he has in his mind. When he dropped his parents off at La Vida Real after an appointment, he always saw them holding hands as they returned to their home.
Sy loved his children & Grandchildren: all the kids felt, especially later in life, that their dad was their best friend. Leon always felt more that Sy was his brother rather than his father in law.
Sy was gone a lot. His work as a salesman took him away from home. But when he was home – not working – he was very involved with the kids. He would take Donna on walks around the block. With Ron, he had Indian ‘guides, and served as an umpire for his Little League. If ever he had an argument with any of them, he made up for it by taking them to Thrifty’s for a special ice cream treat.
Besides family Sy had 3 major loves: VA & Ex POW groups, Big Band Music, and Baseball. Every week he would play big band music for Memory Care & Assisted living at La Vida. He knew Padres statistics & was looking forward to this baseball season. He told his family that at least this year the Padres have a team. Even as was fading in the hospital, he was talking about the Tigers pitching staff.
Sy had lots of loving relationships–not only with his family, but with lots of friends. It was always something of a special event just seeing them. From youth, he was a member of a social group called the Algonquin club. He had seven fast friends who he maintained a relationship with throughout his entire life. They had good times together, but now only two are left.
People were attracted to Sy by his good nature and great sense of humor. He was always joking, even in the hospital. Dylan said his grandfather had the rare ability to tell dirty jokes without dirty words. Ron said he never heard him say a cuss word (although apparently Mo and Donna and others did).
You could see his humor even when he made advance preparation for his funeral. When best friend Eliott Simon died, the funeral home was very cold. So Sy told his family that to make sure he stayed warm, he wanted to be buried in socks – specifically red sox – though no one knows why – and his family honored his wishes.
He was a sharp dresser, it was important how he looked. He would bring some new shirts. – always wanted to look good – with shoes & belt to match, and suspenders. He also had favorite foods – if you wanted to be his best friend all you had to do was bring him a bottle of Coke & a Hershey bar with almonds.
Sy was a deeply committed Jew. His parents were Orthodox and Sy maintained many traditions. I saw him and Resa at synagogue regularly. After Resa passed away, family made sure he came as well, especially for Yahrzeits. He celebrated Jewish holidays at home. When living near San Diego State, they always invited servicemen to Seders. Even though the family thought he was trying to fix Donna up,the real reason may have been because he was displaced during the war.
I always felt close to Sy. He was always so outgoing and personable. We invited him to speak at Tifereth Israel Synagogue over the past few years about his experience and his book. His family told me that he kept and treasured one ty letter I wrote him. Among other things I wrote:
“On behalf of our entire congregation, I want to thank you for sharing your experiences as a Prisoner of War with us last Friday evening.
“Your presentation was not only informative, but deeply moving. Hearing you made me realize how much brave men and woman have sacrificed to keep our country, and the world, free. Your experiences were at times harrowing, and at other times inspiring. It is hard to believe that such a kind and mild mannered person as you was able to survive the horrors of your captivity. That you not only survived, but used your time as prisoner to help your fellow human being, stands as strong testimony to your strength and character.”
Despite hardships he exerpienced, Sy lived a long, full & happy life. In his later years he realized that his life had meaning that extended well beyond himself: He often spoke about PTSD & building awareness in order to help those brave men and women who served our country and suffered in its aftermath.
Throughout his life, Sy made own decisions and lived on his own terms, and he died the same way. Over the last several years Sy had suffered a number of medical issues and hospitalizations, yet always bounced back. His family was especially grateful for the care he received at La Vida Real and want to acknowledge his caregivers with whom he became very close: Loida, Pat, Romeo.
Like the Energizer Bunny. Sy is the only person I know who went from being wheelchair bound to completely mobile once again. His mind was always sharp. In fact I saw him not more than a couple of weeks ago when he attended the monthly class I teach at La Vida Real. He asked me a good question, which I even referenced in an email I sent out to the congregation.
But then Sy became ill again, and this time he decided that it was one last battle that he would not be able to win. He didn’t want any heroic measures, but used his last days and hours to tell his family how much he loved them and they told him the same. They would miss him, but they would be okay. Sy died at peace with himself, at peace with the world, and at peace with God.
Ron said: I have a vision of his friends Sherm, Lil, & Al, as well as mom,standing over the rail welcoming into heaven.
Ask his family what they learned from Sy: they learned you can always continue to evolve, no matter how old you are. You are never too old to go after what you want – or to find yourself. Sy didn’t write the book about his war experiences until he was 89.
He learned the power of positive thinking, the importance of being vulnerable with people that you love. He also learned to make every day important and to live each day to its fullest.
And, he learned to never stop laughing, to always have a sense of humor no matter how bad things are. At his funeral he wanted people to be laughing & for it go be a celebration. He even wanted hearse driver to drive careful of speed bumps, so they wouldn’t disturb him.
One regret Sy had was that he wouldn’t be present at his own funeral, that he wouldn’t know what he died of. Before he passed away Mo told him: Daddy, now you know what you will die of: “a full heart.”