By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Confident that the Senate possesses the constitutional power to warn Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei that it could reject any nuclear agreement signed by President Obama, the forty-seven Republicans who signed the letter are now planning to open embassies in countries around the world.
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During a campaign speech in New Hampshire, Senator Ted Cruz promised to abolish the Internal Revenue Service and the Department of Education and to staunchly defend the Second Amendment if he is elected president. In other words Americans will have extra income to buy more guns and be stupid enough to use them irresponsibly.
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President Obama warned today that the “legalization of pot is no panacea” for the problem of substance abuse. A spokesperson for NORML, the organization that promotes the legalization of marijuana, advised the President “to chill out.”
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A NASA scientist predicted that California will run out of water next year if the drought continues and strict conservation measures aren’t instituted. California officials say they plan to make up the shortfall with light beer because it’s already tastes like water.
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Congressional Republicans have inserted a provision to deny abortion funding to female victims of sexual trafficking. The logic is that it is more immoral to abort an unwanted pregnancy than to make sure that the demand for coerced prostitutes never exceeds the supply.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.