Humoring the headlines: March 30, 2015

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act which permits business owners to discriminate against any customer whose lifestyle offends their religious sensibilities.  Although critics believe the law sanctions discrimination against the LGBT community, it already is having unintended consequences with Christian Scientists barring doctors from reading rooms, Indian restaurants denying service to monotheists, and dry cleaners refusing to clean the sheets of KKK members.

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When asked why he plans to visit Israel soon, John Boehner replied that he just wants a chance to weep openly at the Wailing Wall and find out Netanyahu’s secret for getting Sheldon Adelson’s financial support.

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The United Nations has partnered with IKEA to manufacture shelters for refugees.  The only problem so far is that many refugees have been unable to follow the instructions to assemble their shelters.

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The Supreme Court is hearing a case from a group of Texans who requested that the Confederate flag be pictured on their license plates and received a rejection from the state on the grounds that it is a racist symbol.  It is expected that the Court will rule in favor of freedom of speech and approve the request with the proviso that the specialty license plates can only be affixed to horse- drawn wagons used in reenactments of Civil War battles.

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Islamic rebels have killed forty people during the current Nigerian election.  Republicans from state legislatures have dispatched a monitoring team to ascertain if such violence is more effective than the legislation they have passed to suppress voter turnout.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.