Humoring the headlines: April 20, 2015

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Kim Kardashian toured Armenia to visit the home of her ancestors and commemorate the 100th anniversary of the Armenian Genocide.  Who would have thought that President Obama and Congress would be challenged to keeping up with the Kardashians?

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Volunteer police deputy Robert Bates apologized to the family of Eric Harris for mistaking his pistol for a taser and killing Harris.  After a television interview, Bates was asked for his signature and accidentally grabbed an icepick from his shirt pocket instead of a pen and stabbed the autograph seeker in the hand.

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NASA announced that its land rover on Mars has detected signs of underground water there.  In a related story Jerry Brown has contracted with Elon Musk’s SpaceX to build an aqueduct to Mars as soon as possible.

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Peter Schweizer’s forthcoming book Clinton’s Cash alleges that the Clinton Foundation received millions of dollars from foreign countries to influence American policies towards them.  Hillary Clinton scoffed at the charge of any impropriety and warned that another book Kochs’ Cash reveals that Republican candidates will be receiving over a billion dollars from conservative Super PACS to influence federal policies regarding their donors.
After finding Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev guilty on thirty counts of murder, the jury is now deliberating whether he should be executed or given a life sentence with no chance of parole.   Although pharmaceutical companies have stopped manufacturing the drugs used for lethal injections, they have indicated they might make an exception in this case.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.