By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ US Attorney General Loretta Lynch indicted Fifa officials for taking bribes in return for scheduling the World Cup in particular countries. Fifa attempted to strike a plea deal to drop the charges if the organization changed its name to Fee For. Although it is not known whether Lynch is a soccer fan, she certainly knows how to kick ass.
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President Obama promised federal disaster aid to Texas following widespread flooding there. Texas Governor Greg Abbott expressed his fears that such help was merely camouflage for FEMA to set up concentration camps in Texas.
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Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum protested Fox News’ decision to allow only the top ten candidates in a national poll to participate in the first debate the network will televise. NBC offered to allow all the announced candidates to compete on a new summer show called “The GOP’s Got Talent.”
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The Center for Disease Control accidentally sent active samples of Anthrax via Fed Ex to 18 facilities throughout the United States and South Korea leaving critics of the CDC wondering if the EX stands for exterminate.
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The Chief Justice of Alabama’s Supreme Court demanded the impeachment of Ruth Bader Ginsburg for officiating at a same-sex marriage while the US Supreme Court was adjudicating the issue of marriage equality. A lower federal court ruled that Ginsburg could only be removed if she had catered the wedding against her will in a state with a religious protection act.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.
Instead of “got talent” it might be more aptly described as
“GOP has issues.” — Eric George Tauber, San Diego