By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Mike Huckabee suggested that arming the members of Mother Emanuel Church in Charleston would have prevented the murder of nine of its members. In other words the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is pistol packing pastors and worshippers with weapons.
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The police are still searching for the two killers who escaped from a maximum security prison in upstate New York. One indication that the trail may be going cold is when the authorities hire Malaysian Airlines to assist them.
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In the announcement of his candidacy, Donald Trump disclosed that one reason he is running for president is because ISIS has opened a hotel in Syria. Indeed, ISIS plans a chain of hotels called the Ramadi Inns. Each will offer unhappy hours all day because none will have a bar, café, or night club. The headboards on all the beds will be equipped with guillotines for guests who blaspheme the Prophet. The top floor of each hotel has been designated the 72 Virgins Suite. None of the martyrs who have booked the suite lived to sleep in it. Terrorists who want to stay at the Ramadi Inns can make their reservations on the internet site Extermia.
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Pope Francis issued his encyclical on climate change. The vast majority of climate change experts have praised it, marking the first time scientists have endorsed the doctrine of papal infallibility.
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The Federal Trade Commission waded in on the controversy over whether the Confederate flag should fly over the capitol of South Carolina as a symbol of the state’s heritage. Calling for truth in advertising, the Commission has recommended that the flag be retired and replaced with a noose.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.