By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Hollow Holocaust Analogy: Huckabee accused Obama of being so naïve about Iran that he accepted a nuclear deal that would “take the Israelis and basically march them to the door of the oven.” Jews don’t go to their deaths like lambs to the slaughter when they possess 75 to 400 nuclear weapons and intercontinental ballistic missiles, submarine-launched cruise missiles, and long-range bombers that can deliver them.
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Dennis Rodman endorsed Donald Trump for President. Rodman prefers leaders with ugly haircuts who consider themselves omnipotent and denounce their enemies in the most derogatory terms.
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The recent spate of mass shootings in the United States has prompted renewed calls for stricter gun control legislation. Opponents of further restrictions on the purchase of guns claim the real problem is mental health. Gun control advocates concur: the laxity of current gun laws is insane.
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Half of the Sockeye salmon in the Columbia River have died because the water in the river is too warm for them to survive. Scientists have linked this phenomenon to climate change, but climate change deniers have celebrated it as proof that the United States has discovered a method to cook fish before they are caught.
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Rick Perry believes that the best way to minimize the fatalities in movie theatre shootings is to encourage licensed gun owners to bring their weapons to screenings. Nothing increases the sense of security among audience members than knowing that the person sitting next to them will spray bullets into the dark the moment he or she hears gunshots in the theatre, whether they emanate from a mass killer’s firearms or a film soundtrack.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.