By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Animal Control has been unable to locate the lion that was sighted prowling the streets of Milwaukee and have concluded that either the sightings were a hoax or the lion has started walking to Minnesota to find dentist Walter Palmer and avenge the killing of Cecil in Zimbabwe.
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Fox News alleged that John Stewart has twice been summoned to meet with President Obama and instructed to influence Daily Show audiences in favor the President’s political agenda. Stewart admitted that he has conferred with Obama, but revealed that the two shared their retirement plans.
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An ultra-orthodox Jewish man stabbed six people who were marching in Jerusalem’s Gay Pride Parade because God views homosexuality as an abomination. Actually, God considers anyone who would stab anyone on the basis of their sexual orientation an abomination.
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Congressional Republicans are mounting a campaign to withhold approval of the Federal budget again unless it eliminates funding for Planned Parenthood. This stems from misleading reports that the organization sells tissue and organs from aborted fetuses rather than donates them when their mothers grant their approval to do so. GOP operatives see this as a savvy political strategy since no fetuses will be inconvenienced by a shutdown of the government.
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Canada has contracted to purchase an Iron Dome Missile Defense System. It fears that once Donald Trump builds the wall to prevent Mexico from dumping undesirables in the United States, it will try to launch them in rockets to Canada.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.