By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Hackers have posted personal data obtained from the infidelity dating website Ashley Madison. Former President Bill Clinton has requested that the FBI immediately return the private server it confiscated from the Clinton home.
*
Donald Trump was dismissed from a jury panel when he told a prosecutor that the facts of a case would never sway him to find a defendant guilty or not guilty. It all depends on how much the defense lawyer charges: defendants with expensive lawyers are innocent; those with cheaper ones are losers. That’s just the way the legal system works. In a related story there’s a rumor circulating that Trump plans to select Charlie Sheen as his running mate.
*
Hamas captured an Israeli spy dolphin off the coast of Gaza. Interrogators from the terrorist organization were unable to get the dolphin to reveal secrets by waterboarding it.
*
Most of the Republican candidates for president are endorsing Donald Trump’s call for ending birthright citizenship. This would strip the citizenship conferred on children born in the United States to illegal aliens. The future effect of this would lower the number of Latino voters the Republicans need to attract to win elections. The 14th Amendment guaranteed birthright citizenship to former slaves. Perhaps the Republicans ultimately seek to disenfranchise the descendants of slaves too!
*
Opponents of the Iran Nuclear Deal contend that President Obama was so intent on assuring his foreign policy legacy that he settled for a bad deal. This raises the obvious question: Why would a president worried about his place in history deliberately negotiate a poor treaty?
*
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.