By Laurie Baron
MARGATE, New Jersey‒ To compete with Donald Trump and boost his own flagging presidential bid, Chris Christie proposed that the US government contract with FedEx to track the whereabouts of immigrants in the United States. If they are here illegally, they will be shipped back to their countries of origin in crates loaded into the unheated and unpressurized cargo holds of airplanes.
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President Obama secured the support of a 34th senator to vote for the approval of the Iran Nuclear Deal. Now the Senate cannot override its anticipated rejection of the deal. Despairing over this outcome, Republican opponents of the deal will propose that the Book of Revelations be adopted at their party’s 2016 platform.
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Taylor Swift has drawn criticism for her “Wildest Dreams” video which features no black people although it was filmed in Africa. To avoid making the same error, she plans to have all her future videos shot in the North Pole.
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One-third of Louisiana’s Republicans blame President Obama for the poor handling of the relief effort after Hurricane Katrina. They also believe that he lied about Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction as a pretext to invade Iraq and, conspired with Hillary Clinton about this deception in top secret emails he sent to Hillary Clinton on her private server.
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European Union countries have decided to outsource their current refugee crisis to Donald Trump. Greece also has solicited his help in declaring bankruptcy without economic consequences.
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Baron, professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University, is serving as a visiting scholar at Stockton University in New Jersey. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.