From the Jewish library: ‘Everything You Ever Wanted’

Everything You Ever Wanted by Jillian Lauren, Plume/Penquin Publishing Group, 2015

By Sheila Orysiek

SAN DIEGO — This is the second of Jillian Lauren’s memoirs.*  Born in 1973, she was adopted as an infant by a middle class Jewish couple in Livingston, New Jersey.  Her childhood included the cultural norms of that time and place such as completing her Bat Mitzvah and the expectation of continuing on to higher education.  If one includes that childhood, it could be said that by the time she is writing this book, she has lived three distinct lives.

As this second memoir opens she in her early thirties, married and living in Los Angeles with her husband, Scott Shriner, a bassist with the Rock Band, “Weezer”.  Her previous activities in drugs and the sex trade are behind her.  She and her husband desperately want to have a child but it becomes evident after trying every possible remedy from medical to pseudo-science, that she is unable to conceive.  They decide to adopt a child from Ethiopia.

The time and expense involved are extensive.  A potential major roadblock is Lauren’s previous life as a escort, prostitute, strip dancer, drug addict and member of a harem all of which will not be seen as assets on the application form required by the adoption agency which begins the vetting process.   Though she describes how she dealt with this problem as skirting around the facts – she does in fact – lie to the agency.  Eventually, a child is found and they travel to Ethiopia and return with a nine month old boy.

The long road leading to the happy occasion of successful adoption is but the beginning of an even longer road as the child’s developmental progress is fraught with the exigencies of having been an orphan deprived of early parenting.  Weaving in and out of this tale, is the story of her own childhood including sometimes horrific details about her parents, especially her father’s frustration and violence, as she totally rejects their moral core (Judaic and otherwise), to pursue the teenage dream of being a movie star.

She describes her mother as “a nice lady,” her father as “porcine” and her Bat Mitzvah rabbi as “stodgy.”  Yet, she seems surprised when, as each of the two memoirs are published,  her parents react with anger.  Her parents tried to save her from what is now the albatross of her past – but are given no credit.  Somehow everything is their fault.

When Lauren and her husband decide to adopt a second child, once again they seem surprised that the lies on the initial application form to the agency, now evident via the publication of her books, result in being summarily denied eligibility to proceed with adoption.

While her efforts to adopt and then seek help for a child are commendable, one wonders why would she want to trumpet her self indulged lascivious past?  Why add to her parents’ pain? There still seems to be a center core of morality which is empty not only of standards but of consequences.  She still thinks its quite acceptable and there are no consequences to a lie.  How does such a parent teach a child?

*See review: “Some Girls; My Life in a Harem” by Jillian Lauren.

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Orysiek is a freelance writer specializing in coverage of the arts and literature.  She may be contacted via sheila.orysiek@sdjewishworld.com

Orysiek is a freelance writer who specializes in arts and literature.  Comments may be made in the space provided below this article or sent to the author at sheila.orysiek@sdjewishworld.com