By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ A recent Pew Poll revealed that Americans would be 37 % less likely to vote for a presidential candidate who had an extramarital affair, 31 % less likely to vote for one who had Washington experience, 26 % less likely to vote for someone who was gay, and 10 % less likely to vote for a Jew. Acutely attuned to public opinion, Hillary Clinton plans to downplay her career as Senator and Secretary of State and come out as a Jewish lesbian who was relieved that Bill was involved with other women
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Donald Trump bragged that his supporters are so loyal that he could kill someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and they would still vote for him. They sound more like accomplices than voters. In a related story Anne Frank’s stepsister compared Trump to Hitler. Trump dismissed the comment by threatening to hide that Jewish bimbo away in an attic.
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Democrats are pushing hard for universal background checks that would prevent guns from being legally purchased by potentially dangerous people; Republicans contend that better mental health treatment would avert shootings in the United States. Whichever approach wins, the government is destined to confiscate all the firearms Sarah Palin owns.
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Michigan governor Rick Snyder has conceded that his belated response to the lead poisoning water crisis in Flint constituted a failure of his political judgment. Although his future as an elected official appears bleak, his prospects of being appointed the head of the EPA by one of the Republican presidential candidates are bright.
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A man carrying two guns and a copy of the Koran was arrested when he tried to enter Disneyland Paris. As a precaution authorities have demanded Disney characters eliminate hats from their costumes.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.