New Hampshire Primary Results
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Donald Trump won the New Hampshire Republican presidential primary. In this year’s Republican primaries, nothing succeeds like excess. Trump’s victory inspired Benjamin Netanyahu to reveal plans to build a fence around Israel and get the Arab League to pay for it.
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Chris Christie is expected to suspend his presidential campaign today. To dramatize the end of his candidacy, he will make the announcement at the Lakehurst Naval Air Station in New Jersey where the Hindenburg blimp went down in flames.
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Bernie Sanders became the first Jewish socialist to win a presidential primary prompting a spike on Amazon.com in the sales of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
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Hillary Clinton lost the women’s vote by a 10 percent margin to Bernie Sanders. This is bound to hurt her fundraising efforts and force her to give more lucrative talks for Wall Street firms.
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Despite his third place finish in Iowa, Marco Rubio dropped to fifth place in the New Hampshire voting. Pundits attribute this to his robotically repeating soundbites in the last debate. Rubio accepted this criticism by commenting, “You can say that again!”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.