Humoring the headlines: March 25, 2016

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ The current guttersniping between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump about their wives has descended so far into the bowels of the body politic that CNN plans to broadcast a debate between the two via colonoscope.  

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Microsoft launched Tay, an Artificial Intelligence robot that posts tweets based on what it has learned from a Twitter databank.  Though Tay sounded polite at first, it soon was sending out anti-Semitic, racist, and sexist messages.  By the end of its first session, it joined the Trump campaign as a social media analyst.

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The FBI dropped its efforts to force Apple to reveal how to unlock the encryption code on the iPhone used by the couple who killed 14 people in the San Bernardino terrorist attack.  It took months, but the FBI realized all it had to do was ask Siri.

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The Pentagon announced that it had killed ISIS’ finance minister, Abd al-Rahman Mustafa al-Qaduli.  ISIS promptly issued an advertisement for a replacement with experience in handling large sums of blood money.

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Some members of Ultra-Orthodox Parties in Israel have called for a no-confidence vote against Netanyahu’s coalition rather than allow part of the Western Wall to be opened for mixed gender egalitarian prayer.  Despite their national and religious differences, wall fetishists around the world are united by misogyny.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.  Comments intended for publication in the space below must be accompanied by the letter-writer’s first and last name and by his/her city and state of residence (city and country for those outside the U.S.)