Day two of the Democratic National Convention
By Laurie Baron
The Democratic National Convention has featured Andra Day, Alicia Keys, Meryl Streep, Sarah Silverman, and Paul Simon among other famous entertainers. Ticketmaster is currently negotiating with the Democrats to take this show on the road under the name Politpaloosa.
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Congressman Joseph Crowley accused Donald Trump of “collecting $150,000 in federal funds intended to help small businesses recover — even though days after the 9/11 attack Trump said his properties were not affected.” Trump tweeted back: “Did receive 9/11 recovery money. My Jews say it was bupkis. Didn’t he play for the Bears?”
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Disgusted by Bernie Sander’s endorsement of Hillary Clinton, Bernie or Bust advocate Susan Sarandon tweeted she was “out” and “having the worst time” of her life at the Convention. She left to return to Hollywood to star in the sequel to Dead Man Walking whose title is Dead Cause Talking.
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Fact checkers are scrutinizing Bill Clinton’s tribute to his wife for plagiarism. He is suspected of closely paraphrasing her resume. The police are investigating whether he was guilty of stalking when he first saw Hillary and followed her for several days.
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Last night the DNC selected the first women to be a presidential candidate of a major party in the history of the United States. Hillary Clinton appeared via skype as her image appeared to shatter a glass screen. Trump tweeted, “Crooked Hillary playing the woman card again!” Elizabeth Warren responded, “Bully Trump playing the joker again!”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.