By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — Eggs, long considered pareve, are, in fact, fleishig.
That’s the stunning conclusion of a three-year secret study by a commission of rabbis, scientists and philosophers, meeting in an undisclosed location in a southern U.S. state. (“Who’d expect a study like this to take place in a location like that?” said one of the participants.)
The finding, about a food product that is an integral part of Pesach and mourning rituals, has far-reaching consequences for kashruth-observant Jews and food-related industries,
“It’s not complicated,” said the anonymous author of the majority report. “If you believe, as many of us do, that life begins at conception and that an egg is a chicken-in-training, then the egg is fleishig. Case closed.”
Added another commission member who supported the decision: “It’s not like in the joke that life begins when the kids go off to college. It’s at conception!”
But others cried fowl at the findings. One advocate of maintaining the status quo, commented: “For ages, pareve foods have been the great symbol of moderation, of compromise – compatible with both meat and dairy.” He stopped short of alleging that the vote was “rigged,” but acknowledged that he wondered about the motivations of the majority.
While the discussions were heated, and as many participants scrambled to find mutual agreement, some attendees tried to lighten the atmosphere with old puns and riddles. For instance, “This is no yolk,” And “what do you get when you cross a rabbit with a chicken? ‘Nisht a hare and nisht a hen.” (Not here and not there).
But discussions and the roll-call vote were conducted with great seriousness, according to several commission members.
There was even one suggestion that, because it is now considered a meat product, an egg would have to be kashered. But the proposal was voted down.
That discussion, a scientist commented, “was over easy.”
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San Diego Jewish World reminds readers who are new to this column that it is all in fun, and nothing above should be taken seriously. Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York. Comments intended for publication in the space below MUST be accompanied by the letter writer’s first and last name and by his/ her city and state of residence (city and country for those outside the United States.)