Phew! It Is Almost Over
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO-Donald Trump claimed he survived an assassination attempt at his Reno rally this past Saturday. The Secret Service corrected him noting that it was only a Clinton supporter who shouted gun. In other words, it ended up being an asinine protest and claim.
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This past week Hillary Clinton proved her ability to draw crowds as large as Donald Trump’s (as long as JZ, Beyonce, Jon Bon Jovi, James Taylor, and Bruce Springsteen are her warm-up acts).
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Sources in the Trump campaign have confirmed that they now control his Twitter account. If he is elected in President, they plan to close all his social media accounts and purchase him Hillary Clinton’s private server.
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FBI director James Comey sent a letter to Congress reporting that the FBI investigation into the Hillary Clinton emails found on Anthony Weiner’s laptop did not alter his conclusion that there were no grounds for a criminal indictment of her. If Hillary Clinton wins the election, she plans to change the name of the agency to the Federal Bureau of Interference.
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Contrary to the impression fostered by the media, this election has united Americans in wanting shorter campaigns, a national primary, and Michele Obama to remain First Lady.
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Warner Brothers announced that it is remaking the Tom Hanks’ film Big. This time it will be titled Rig and be about Donald Trump as an adolescent mind who wishes he were an adult. .
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As in every election, the voters make America’s fate again.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.